


Let Not Your Hearts Be Troubled

by RoseComposes



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: AU, Angst and Tragedy, F/M, Most of the cast appear at come point, Mystery, Non-Graphic Violence, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Shulienne - Freeform, Turnadette - Freeform, back story, non-canon, set around series 1-2, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 12:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 38,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20063851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseComposes/pseuds/RoseComposes
Summary: "She could never escape. She knew this, because she had foolishly tried to before. But he always found her. No matter how far she ran, he was always one step ahead of her."Sister Bernadette is in deep trouble. Will Sister Julienne, Doctor Turner and the Nonnatuns be able to find her in time? And what of her mysterious back story that led to her believing herself to be guilty of something so horrible she's never told anyone?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on ff.net but I felt like sharing it. It does contain some violence but not too graphically described. I only own some characters in this story, but the rest belong to the show and the books. I have added an optional epilogue at the end, for those who wanted to know further what happened. I hope you guys enjoy this story and thanks for taking the time to read it.

**Part 1.**

It had happened again. She could never escape. She knew this, because she had foolishly tried to before. But he always found her. No matter how far she ran, he was always one step ahead of her. After she had escaped that one time and decided to join the order, she thought she was finally free. Those first few years were bliss, and she found herself rejoicing in her new freedom. She'd thought she was free for life. Then he turned up. And then everything was like it used to be. And once again she found herself in deep pain.

She stumbled over to the cupboard, and pulled out a new robe. She changed, and straitened her wimple. Tugging her glasses into place, she sat and grabbed her Bible.

_Knock knock._

_ _

Sister Bernadette hobbled to the door and opened it. "Sister, it is time for Chapel."

Sister Bernadette nodded her head, and followed Sister Julienne out the door. She kept her head down and used her wimple to hide it. "Is everything alright, Sister?" 

"I'm fine, Sister." She lied, with a distressingly increased ease. She'd been lying by not saying anything for so long, that this had come to an uncanny freedom.

Sister Julienne reached to straighten her wimple, something she had done several times before, but this time she halted with a gasp. "Sister?! What happened to your neck?" Bruises were dappled over the paleness of Sister Bernadette’s neck.

"A shocked patient is all." Sister Bernadette lied.

  
"I shall have Doctor Turner look at it once clinic starts." "That shan't be necessary-"

"You will see Doctor Turner." Sister Julienne interrupted her sternly. The look on her face suggested that she was doing this out of kindness, but when Doctor Turner saw there was more to see, what would he say? Sister Bernadette realised she must attempt to hide it. It was no use, the bruises were too obvious.

"...A-of course, Sister." She mumbled, clutching her Crucifix.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Doctor Turner!"

"Yes, Sister?" The Doctor turned slightly in his seat, looking at Sister Julienne with his full attention.

"Would you mind quickly checking Sister Bernadette over? One of her patients grabbed her in shock and she's got some bruising." Sister Julienne explained her hands clasped together in front of her. She widened her eyes slightly in a form of threat; if you don't help my-closest-to-kin, then I will do something. Her eyes then softened, saying; I know that you will help, I'm just worrying.

"Of course, I will. I'll be over in a minute, just let me sign these papers." The Doctor replied, getting the message clearly, although he would have seen to the Sister anyway. He wondered which patient it had been, and in the back of his mind was furious with them. Sister Bernadette had been playing on his mind lately, and the thought of her being hurt made him angry.

"Indeed, Doctor."

><> ><> <>< <><

"Hello, Sister. I've been told you need to be examined?" Doctor Turner began, as he shuffled through the screens, into the small cubicle. Sister Bernadette sat on the couch/bed, and nearly jumped out of her skin when the Doctor entered. Sister Julienne stood next to her.

"Y-yes."

She gestured at her neck, and Doctor Turner gave a small gasp. "When did this happen?"

"Last night."

"Why didn't you contact me earlier?" He demanded concern behind his eyes.

"I didn't want to bother you." She whispered.

He moved forward. "I'll need you to remove your wimple." Sister Julienne stepped forward and helped her. Sister Bernadette also removed her collar.

"How about you sit on the examination table?"

"Yes, Sister." Sister Bernadette answered automatically, sliding onto the bed. "Will you be alright if I go and speak with Nurse Millar?"

"Of course, Sister.

"That's fine, Nurse Miller. I can arrange for her to see a specialist, to help her care for the baby."

"I think Mrs Baxter would really benefit from it. Mr Baxter is hardly home, and she has enough trouble with Ruby already."

"Yes, of course. I will ring them tomorrow and book her an appointment." "Thank you, Sister."

"I do believe that you should accompany her there. It will be an odd experience for her, and she will want an extra pair of hands."

_Knock knock._

"I'll help you in a minute." The Sister called towards the door, before saying to Cynthia, "I'll book her an appointment. You must go now, clinic will start soon!"

"Thank you, Sister."

"That's quite alright, Nurse Miller." Sister Julienne walked with Cynthia to the door, opening it for her. As Cynthia exited, to go to the clinic, Doctor Turner entered. "Yes, Doctor?"

"It's about Sister Bernadette, Sister."

  
"Come in and take a seat. How's her neck?"

  
"Well, from what I can see there's severe bruising."

><> ><> <>< <><

"Is there something else?"

"Yes, that's actually why I wanted to talk to you. She also has..."

"What are these bruises from, Sister?" Doctor Turner asked as he peered at the lesions on her neck. They were deep blue, almost purple, and an odd pink pattern blotched through it. The bruises flowered over her pale neck. Then he noticed blood on the back of her cap. "Sister, your head, it's bleeding."

"What?"

"Can you remove your cap?" She nodded hesitantly. She reached up and pulled her cap off, to reveal mousy blonde hair. He looked closely at the back of her head, his heart beating for being so close to her. A blotch of red was on the back of her head. "How did this happen? You could have concussion!"

"The patient must have flung me to the floor or..." She trailed off.

He looked back at her neck. The bruising appeared to go further down, but was hidden by her habit. "How did this really happen? Please, Sister Bernadette." He was extremely worried now.

"The patient grabbed me and I pulled away and hit my head." She lied again. He couldn't know. Not Doctor Turner. He meant too much to her.

"Who did this?"

"I'm fine." She argued.

"We need to report this, Sister."

"No, it's fine. I should go to clinic." She pulled her cap back on followed by her wimple and pulled her collar back on quickly.

"Sister, you're not fit to work. You probably had a concussion last night, you need to rest." He insisted grabbing her wrist. She flinched wildly and pulled away with a small cry. "Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to..."

She couldn't look at him. "Goodbye, Doctor Turner." She walked out, and Doctor Turner thought he spied a small tear in her eye. He felt awful.

"You mean she was attacked by a patient?" Sister Julienne asked.

"Yes."

"I'll have to talk to her about it..."

"I'm quite worried that she had a concussion. She was gone before I had the chance to ask her." "I've been so worried about her these last few days. She hasn't been herself!"

><> ><> <>< <><

"Somehow someone needs to check if there's further bruising or any more wounds so we can dress and disinfect them. She was off before I had the chance to."

Sister Bernadette escaped from Doctor Turner quickly and soon found herself at Nonnatus house. "Sister Bernadette!" It was Sister Evangelina. Oh no!

"Yes, Sister?" She stopped, but didn't turn knowing what Sister Evangelina's reaction would be. "Sister Julienne has been looking for you."

"I will go to her office right away." She lied, hands crossed behind her back. She continued down the corridor and past Sister Julienne's office.

Suddenly Sister Bernadette was in her room and ripping her wimple and habit off and pulling the clothes she'd taken from the charity box (in case of an emergency) onto her bruised body. She pulled a scarf around her neck and a small hat over her bloody head. She pulled out a suitcase, and in it put her most important belongings before folding her habit onto the bed. She placed her large wooden crucifix on top of the habit, having replaced it with a simple silver cross. Lastly she grabbed her bible. Then she slipped out of her room and out the back door unseen.

In the garden she saw Fred and pulled her glasses off quickly. Everything was very blurry, but she could just about make things out.

"Oh, 'allo there!" He called politely as Sister Bernadette passed, not recognising her with no glasses or wimple.

"Hello." She replied, softly with a smile, before quickly moving along before he had the chance to say anything else. 'Phew.' She thought, 'Now they'll just think me to be dead or on the run. They'll always wonder, but their opinions of me will never be tainted.'

><> ><> <>< <><

Sister Julienne went straight to clinic, to see if she could find her Sister there. She saw Sister Evangelina in the kitchenette and walked over.

"Sister, have you seen Sister Bernadette?" She asked.

"Yes, back at Nonnatus. I sent her to your office just before I left for here."

"She didn't come to see me at all." A look of fear fell over her face. "I assumed she'd come here, like she'd said she would." She quickly turned and looked around briefly for Doctor Turner.

"Are you looking for someone, Sister?" Trixie asked.

"Have you seen Doctor Turner? I need to tell him about Sister- I need his help."

"I saw him smoking outside before, I think. He was looking quite wretched really. That was a little while ago though." She paused thoughtfully, "Was this about Sister Bernadette?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"She's been so terribly miserable recently and I thought I heard Sister Evangelina muttering something about her when she arrived to clinic. What is it, Sister?"

><> ><> <>< <><

"Well, she's missing. I'm about to go back to Nonnatus House to check her room, but after that...oh, I just don't know what I'll do then." Sister Julienne looked down. She was clearly quite distressed.

"Perhaps, Sister, one of us better go with you. We can probably just about manage with one less." Trixie looked around. Jenny was weighing babies, a whole line of mothers and babies waiting still. Cynthia she knew was with Dr Turner in consultation with both Mrs and Mr Baxter. Chummy was doing routine checks with the mothers and she spotted Sister Evangelina boiling urine tests in the kitchenette. "Well Sister, both Sister Evangelina and I are free to go with you. Whichever of us would help the most."

Sister Julienne looked to Trixie, "I'd better not worry her anymore then I need. If you don't mind going with me, you would supply great support."

"Of course I can, Sister. I'll just grab my bag and tell Jenny that she's one down. How about you take a seat near the door and say some prayers?" Sister Julienne smiled gratefully at the girl, doing just as she said to.

Meanwhile Trixie went over to Jenny and told her she was going with Sister Julienne and that she would try to be back before the clinic ended.

"Why does Sister Julienne need your help?" She asked as a mother took her baby back.

"She just needs some support with one of her patients. I'll tell all tonight." Trixie promised before going to grab her bag.

Soon the two of them had cycled their way back to Nonnatus House and were going through the door. They took of their coats and silently took the stairs towards the rooms.

><> ><> <>< <><

No one recognised her as she walked anxiously through the streets. She was just another person going about her business. Still, she was scared. What if one of them knew? What if they had already discovered that she has left?

She kept walking, clutching her bag tightly in her hand. She had nowhere else to go. She could not escape him and she could not risk him finding Amalie.

Soon she had reached his residency and was knocking on the door.

"'Ho's that then?" The voice called gruffly as it neared the door. The door was flung open, and there he stood. Her monster. "Shelagh?! What're you doing here?"

"They're going to work it out and I..." She trailed off.

"And you remember my threat? Good. Come on in then. Don't think I'll be taking care of you. You're my enemy remember? A slice of bread and a glass of water a day's the diet you'll be on from now on." He snarled letting her into his flat. "You can stay in here."

He opened a dusty room that was really quite small. He closed the door after she stepped in and she heard his footsteps retreat. It's what she deserved really. For what she was. For what she did. For whom she was. She dropped to the ground, quiet tears for the loss of Sister Bernadette. She was Shelagh once more, and she knew that Shelagh would never make it out of this little cupboard.

**Part 2.**

Sister Julienne knocked on the door, not expecting an answer. "Sister Bernadette? Can we come in?" There was no response.

"Come on, Sister. Let's go in." They opened the door and Sister Julienne entered first. She gasped, and dived forward, clutching the crucifix.

"Sister Julienne?"

"She's gone." She half gasped, half sobbed. "This is her wimple and her crucifix. She wouldn't have left them here. She's..." She stopped talking and let go of the crucifix before turning to face Trixie, "Oh, Trixie..."

"Come on, Sister, I'm sure there's some logical explanation for this!"

"What if she was being threatened?"

"Threatened, by whom?" Trixie questioned.

"She had bruises all over her neck and Doctor Turner suspects concussion because she also had a head wound."

"Surely she should have stayed in bed today?"

"She got away before we could stop her. But why would she go willingly unless..." Sister Julienne sighed.

"I don't think Sister Bernadette could hide anything from you, Sister. She looks up to you so much." "Wouldn't you want to hide your bad side from the ones you love?"

There was a small silence before Trixie broke it. "I think we should go see Sergeant Noakes about this. Especially if you think she was being threatened."

At the police station, Sergeant Noakes was sitting at his desk drinking tea, and looking over files. He was expecting a call from a station near-by about a girl who had gone missing a few days ago. He had been informed that the search parameters for her had widened to Poplar. It had been a matter of days since she went missing. He looked up as Constable Forrest stepped in. "Yes?"

"Sister Julienne and Nurse Franklin are here to see you, Sergeant."

"Let them in." The Sergeant said. As they walked in, he tucked the files away. "Hello Sister, Nurse Franklin. How can I help you?" Trixie went about explaining the events of the morning and how Sister Bernadette had been strangely upset as of late.

"Did she seem worried to you, Sister?" Sergeant Noakes asked at the end of the story. "No, Sergeant, just distant."

"Have you been concerned for her health as of late?"

"Only the bruises from this morning, and her distance." Sister Julienne replied. "Has she ever run off like this before?"

"No, Sergeant."

"Of course. Where do you think she would go, if she felt threatened?" He asked, trying not to distress Sister Julienne, who already looked quite panicked and upset.

"That's just it, Sergeant. She doesn't have any one but us. She has no siblings. Her mother died when she was very young and her father was killed when was in her teens. She came to us when she had no one else. We at Nonnatus House are her only family. I can't think where else she would go."

Trixie gave a small gasp and Sister Julienne looked up. "Oh, Sister, I never knew!" At that moment the telephone began to ring.

"Sorry, I need to take this." Sergeant Noakes lifted the phone to his ear. "Sergeant Noakes."

_"Sergeant Noakes this is Sergeant Reeves from Stepney."_

"Of course, I've been expecting your call."

_"How much do you know?"_

"Not much. Can you give me a description of the girl?" Sergeant Noakes asked, grabbing paper and a pen.

_"She's a five foot four, twenty-three year old with light brown hair. She's got pale skin and a birthmark on her neck. Her name is Annette Merle."_

"Has she got any relations? And why are you widening the search to Poplar?" Sergeant Noakes asked.

_"She doesn't have any relations, just a very worried fiancé and an adoptive mother. Her mother said that she had mentioned Poplar the day of her disappearance."_

"I'll give my men the description and put it on high alert."

_"I'll be dropping around tomorrow with more details."_

"Of course. Goodbye, Sergeant Reeves."

_"Yes, goodbye." _Sergeant Noakes hung up the phone and turned back to Trixie and Sister Julienne. "Sorry about that." They nodded the two of them slightly calmer after having had a few moments to collect their thoughts.

"How much do you know about her life before joining the order?" "Only the few things she told us."  
"Can you tell me what you know?"

Sister Julienne nodded. "Her mother died when she was seven and her father was working for most of her childhood. When she was about seventeen her father was murdered and she was sent to live with an aunt in Kent. Soon after her eighteenth birthday she ran away and somehow made her way to Chichester. She was sent to us for her postulancy and we helped her with her nursing training. She's been with us ever since."

"And the aunt?"

"Dead, I'm afraid. We received a letter about a month after she arrived at Nonnatus."

"How old was she when she joined the order?"

"She was only nineteen."

"And how old is she now?"

"She's twenty-nine."

"You say that she must be in casual clothes. Can you give me a description of what she looks like? The colour of her hair, and any distinguishing features, birthmarks and the like."

"She has shortish dark blonde hair and a birthmark on her back I believe." Sister Julienne answered.

"I know this is quite personal, but what was she called before she joined the order? It is possible that she's using that name."

"Sally McTarin."

"Of course. I should also like to talk to Doctor Turner about her injuries." "We'll tell him to come in as soon as possible." Trixie replied.

"She's only been missing for a few hours, Sister, so I can't put on a proper search yet. I'll tell my men to look out for her for now, and we'll wait to see if she turns up this evening. It's possible she just felt the need to get away for a little while. I suggest that you go back to Nonnatus House and have a cuppa, something to eat and a sit down. Then, if you're up to it, think about any places that she might have gone to. I'll be on the other end of the phone if you find anything."

"Thank you, Peter." Trixie said, with a small smile. "We'll contact you if anything happens." Sergeant Noakes, or Peter, nodded and stood to help them to the door.

><> ><> <>< <><

The room was cold, and she only had on a thin dress. Earlier she had heard him leave the house, and she almost wanted to sneak out of her cupboard and take a look around the small flat. She was too scared though. She felt her tummy rumble. She hadn't eaten or had anything to drink since breakfast. She sighed. She knew she wasn't likely to be given anything to eat until tomorrow, although she was doubtful that would happen either.

Her tears had subsided, and she was just feeling sorrowful. She opened the small bag of belongings she had bought with her and began to go through it. Her mother's silver hair pin and her father's pocket watch, both of which were no longer shiny and slightly blackened; A picture of Amalie taken when she was only ten; A small pressed flower given to her by Sister Julienne; Her bible, which was tattered from its heavy usage. She pulled out her bible now and read a passage.

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

She remembered reading this to Amalie during the times when she was scared. At first she'd read it to her, but soon she had memorised it and in times of fear the two of them would chant it together. She found herself chanting it now. The words became jumbled and soon she was just saying "let them be afraid." over and over with each heartbeat, tears falling opening.

><> ><> <>< <><

Trixie and Sister Julienne reached Nonnatus at the same time as the others who had gotten back from their rounds having finished clinic. Doctor Turner was with them and they all went inside and had a drink.

Jenny, Cynthia, Doctor Turner and Chummy had all noticed that the other three were upset and tense about it. Even Sister Monica-Joan sensed something was wrong. At first they were happy to talk about their rounds and about what had happened at clinic that morning but soon they couldn't continue. What was on their minds, and where was Sister Bernadette?

"I'm going to ask what's on all of our minds," Jenny announced suddenly, "Where is Sister Bernadette, and why are you so upset?"

There was a small pause before Sister Julienne replied, "I suppose you all deserve to know. Sister Bernadette's gone missing." There was a collective gasp around the room. The story of Sister Bernadette's disappearance was once again retold.

"Good gosh! That's bally well awful!" Chummy exclaimed, a hand going to her mouth.

"Where could she have gone?" Jenny asked.

"Peter suggested we make a list of the places and go and have a look." Trixie replied glumly.

"The wandering child shall return where he feels home. Yet home is where the family is. Where shall our poor Sister go? She that has no family?" Asked Sister Monica-Joan, in distress.

"We should all start thinking of the places she might've gone." Sister Julienne said.

They all began to think, but it came to blank answers. If she was scared she would have seen Sister Julienne or have gone and prayed in the chapel. If she needed support she would have gone and seen one of the nurses or her sisters.

"Perhaps she's gone to the pier for some fresh air?" Cynthia suggested. "Or could she have gone to the park?"

At that moment Fred walked in. "Your veggie garden should thrive, Sisters. I just spent me morning out there helping it along. Could 'ho 'ave gone to the park?"

"Sister Bernadette's missing, Fred." Cynthia replied softly.

"You haven't seen Sister Bernadette leave the building have you? Or anyone like her for that matter? We think she might have left in plain clothes."

"No. I did see a strange woman come out the back though. Never seen 'er before. Thought she might've been one of your patients Dr Turner. Come to think of it, she was walking real odd. Like she needed glasses or something. She was gone before I 'ad the chance to ask." Fred replied dusting his hands off. He paused, and then suddenly gasped, "You don't think that was Sister Bernadette but without her habit and glasses do you?"

"Which way did the woman go, Fred?" Trixie asked, standing. "Uh, she went up towards Tundra Street, I think."

"Was she looking at all worried?" Sister Julienne suddenly asked.

"She looked surprised to see me and maybe a little anxious, but she smiled before she left."

"Where would she be going down Tundra Street? That doesn't lead anywhere but to flat buildings." Sister Evangelina asked.

"Maybe there was someone else that she felt safe with." Cynthia suggested, "Someone we didn't know about."

><> ><> <>< <><

She had been correct. No food or drink had come her way. In fact he hadn't returned until quite late. At least she thought it was late. Her cupboard didn't have any light source, apart from a small gap in the wall. When he arrived, she assumed he had gone straight to bed. She had no idea what he had done with the day. She had mumbled all of her psalms, singing them loudly in her mind, at the time she thought that compline had started. This brought her little comfort, but she did it anyway. And when she had finished with the psalms she went and read through many passages of the bible, till her eyes were sore for the strain.

She didn't know when she had fallen asleep, but she found herself waking to small light. It must have been early, she thought. Her body was still in the routine of getting up at the crack of dawn. The house was quiet. She stood up, her body stiff from spending the night on the cramped floor. She began to pray, and although she knew it would not save her, she knew she could pray for her family and the patients who had been in her care.

She thought of the family she had safety cocooned herself with. Her friends in the nurses, her grandmother in Sister Monica Joan and a protective aunt in Sister Evangelina. And Sister Julienne, the mother that the Lorde had given her. She wished Sister Julienne was with her now.

><> ><> <>< <><

The next morning at Nonnatus House was of a sad atmosphere. Sister Evangelina had told them to get to their rounds and had given them extra patients to see to. They had to cover all of Sister Bernadette's patients, as well as Sister Juliennes, as she was to stay at the house in case any news of Sister Bernadette turned up.

So all the nurses along with Sister Evangelina began their rounds and nearly all of their patients asked why they were so sad.

"Hello, Nurse Miller. How're you?" The old woman let Cynthia in. "Oh, I'm not too bad, thank you. How're you feeling, Mrs Creek?"

"Oh, well, nurse." Mrs Creek said as she led Cynthia to the back room wear her husband lay in bed. He was very pale yet looked happy to see his wife.

"And how're you, Mr Creek?" Cynthia asked, putting down her clinical bag. "Call me, James, nurse and I'm doing alright."

"'E's been coughing up blood again, nurse. I don't think them lungs is getting any better."

"Let's see what we can do. Can you get some warm water, Mrs Creek, so I can dress the wounds on his legs?" She nodded and left the room. "Has the medicine Doctor gave you been helping, James?" She asked, helping Mr Creek into the position to help clear his lungs.

"It's been helping a little bit, yes nurse."

"And have you been getting plenty of rest?"

"I've been trying, nurse. But these last couple of nights it's been mighty difficult."

"Why's that, James?" Cynthia asked, "I'll just check your legs now."

"I keep thinking I 'ear crying." He replied lifting the leg of his pants to reveal his bandages.

"Crying?"

"Yes. I think it comes from next door. A young girl. Marian thinks I'm hearing things, but I'm almost certain of it."

At this moment Marian came back into the room. "What's this?" She asked as she carried the warm water to the table by the bed and gave Cynthia a clean cloth.

"I was just telling the nurse about that girl I've heard crying."

"Don't you listen to 'im, nurse." Marian said, "He's just spouting nonsense. I ain't 'eard no crying."

"That's because your hearing is going, dear." James whispered, giving Cynthia a wink.

"What did you say?!" Marian demanded turning to face her husband.

"I said 'I think I saw a dear in here.'" He said with a cheeky grin.

"You are going to get yourself into big trouble soon, young James." She was stern, but it was easy to tell that she was also teasing.

Cynthia gave a little laugh, and went back to dressing the wound with a smile. These two always seemed to cheer her up. She almost always saved them until the end of her rounds to let her finish the day with a smile. Especially this day, when she needed it. She had always felt a link with Sister Bernadette. Both of them being shy and as of late feeling a connection with Him. She'd found herself mildly feeling a sort of calling. As of yet she didn't know what it meant.

"You alright, nurse?" Marian asked, startling Cynthia who had been both lost in thought and highly concentrated on dressing James' wound.

"Oh, yes. Why?"

"James just told you 'is newest joke an' we was sure you'd get a laugh out've it."

"Oh, I'm sorry James. Tell me your joke; I really do want to hear it."

"Here we go. Every time I get on a ferry boat it makes me cross." Cynthia gave a half-hearted laugh. "Eye, is something wrong, nurse?" James asked.

"I'm sorry; it's just...well I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell anyone yet." "You can tell us, nurse."

Marian said, "Me 'n James ain't gossips."

"Sister Bernadette's gone missing." She exclaimed, with a sigh. "Gosh!" Gasped Marian.

"Sister Julienne is so upset, and I didn't want to burden her. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should be helping her but I don't know how and oh...” Cynthia trailed off, "You don't want to be hearing this." She stood up and began packing her things, "I'll be back tomorrow with Doctor to check those lungs. Keep up with the bed rest, and be careful with that leg alright?"

"'Ere nurse, I think you should stay for a cuppa. You want to be going back to Nonnatus in a state where you can be a support to your friends. 'Ere come into the kitchen and sit yourself down."

"Thank you, Marian." Cynthia said, following her into a cosy kitchen. Marian pointed at a chair near the table and went to boil some water. The two of them were silent as she prepared the drinks and brought then to the table.

"I brought you a biscuit too, nurse. I bet you ain't been eatin' properly." "Oh, no, Marian I couldn't take that. And please, call me Cynthia." "You eat that, Cynthia. You need it more than I do. Go on."

Cynthia smiled shyly, and took the biscuit. "Thank you."

"Now you tell me about Sister Bernadette."

"Well we hardly know why she's run off, I-" Marian interrupted, "Tell me about who she was to you and why she's important to you. And you drink that tea."

She took a sip of the hot syrupy tea and a bit of the biscuit before replying. "Well, she's my friend really. She's always been so very understanding to talk to. She'll listen to anything you to say. And she's shy like I am. I feel like we have so many similarities."

Marian nodded. "She's always there for you."

"Yes. I've often looked to her for help both personally and professionally. She's so good with all her patients. Sometimes I think she has no enemies...and well now..."

"I can tell she's important to you." Marian replied, "When I was a little bit older than you, I think, I had this friend, Gillian. A nice girl. She was working in a stall near me. One day, she just disappeared. She didn't turn up at 'er stall. We went to her flat, and her mum said she ain't seen since she left for work. We were at a loss. She didn't turn up the next day either. We were all confused 'nd upset, but soon enough she turned back up. It turned out that she'd taken a bus up to visit her aunt, who was ill and gotten lost on the way back. She'd not told her mother because her mother hated the aunt.

"We were all so happy she was back and well I value that friendship so much more now. I still talk to 'er even now we're both old. Look, what I'm trying to say 'ere is, there's probably a good reason why she's disappeared. I remember thinking that Gillian was seriously hurt or worse. She'll turn up, dear, you trust me on this."

Cynthia gave a small smile. "How can I help Sister Julienne? She was almost like Sister Bernadette's mother."

"You make 'er tea and make sure she's eating proper. You give 'er small distractions and just be there for a comforting word."

"Thank you, Marian." Cynthia said.

"I'm 'ere if you need any more help, dear."

"Marian!" James' voice called from his room.

"What's 'e want?"

"It's the crying." Cynthia stood and went into the back room. "Can you 'ear it, nurse?" She listened and faintly she could hear small gasps and sobs.

"I can. Who lives next door to you, James?"

"David Kithope. Scottish fella, works down the docks." James replied.

"I better get going." Cynthia stood. "See you tomorrow, James. Thank you so much, Marian." Cynthia smiled before leaving the flat. She paused at the next door and gave a small knock. "Hello?" Suddenly the crying stopped.

**Part 3.**

She woke up cold. Her body was aching all over and she didn’t know why. That’s because her memory all came back in small flashes. Fragments of moments that had happened that she had tried to piece together and the many voids that stopped her from remembering everything.

_The door was flung open and there stood her monster. He’d a wild and angry expression on his face._

The next memory had her flung against the small crack in the wall.

_‘Do you even remember the woman you cold bloodily murdered? What about the innocent little girl who'll never live past the age of eight?"_

Hurtful words had been forced to the centre of her mind and taken her over completely. Had it been her fault that poor Dymphna had died? And dear little Moira? Had she dragged her down with her? These were the questions that had been in the back of her mind ever since she had woken in that hospital. She had been asking the Lorde for an answer ever since.

Is this what she deserved? Shelagh knew the answer was yes.

In the corner of the room she spotted a morsel of bread and a mug with a little bit of water in it. She tried to pull her body up, and gave a sharp gasp as she felt a sharp pain in her spine. She wanted to scream and cry, the pain was so intense. Her whole mind was overwhelmed and black spots obstructed her vision. She struggled with her breathing a while, until a greater part of her mind sent her body back into unconsciousness.

><> ><> <>< <><

Peter sat down with his tea and watched his wife playing with their baby. She was tickling his tummy and giving him little kisses. He content to sit and watch her, his tea in hand and everything feeling right in the world. Until their telephone interrupted and the outside world once again invaded. He stood with a sigh and picked up the phone.

“Sergeant Noakes.” He said automatically as he answered.

_“Hello, Sergeant Noakes. Sergeant Reeves is at the station to see you.”_

“Tell him I’ll be there as quick as I can.”

_"Yes, sir."_

"I'm sorry, Camila, but I've got to go back to the station. I'm not sure how long I will be." He said as he walked over to where she was standing.

"We'll be alright," She said before turning to their tiny baby Freddy, "won't we, little bean?" The baby gurgled and they laughed. Peter Noakes pressed a kiss to her cheek then the baby's forehead before taking his leave.

A quick bicycle ride, and he was entering the station. "He's in your office, sir." Peter gave a nod and entered into his office.

"Hello, Sergeant Reeves. Sorry I'm a bit late." He apologised.

"No worries, chap." Sergeant Reeves was slightly older than Peter and his hair was already beginning to turn to grey. "I suppose we should go straight into it."

"Yes." Peter agreed.

"Annette Merle. I'll give you a brief description of her again. She's five foot four, twenty-three year old with light brown hair. She has pale skin and a birthmark on her neck. She was last seen wearing a light blue dress with a brown coat. She lives with her adopted mother, Helen Alison. Two weeks ago, her fiancé, Thomas Grant said that she was becoming anxious. She kept thinking she was seeing someone. She'd see him outside her home and at the market. Then a week ago she disappeared without a trace. We've already searched Stepney, and Limehouse. We'd like to officially start a search here as well."

"Of course, we will start a search here today." Peter Noakes nodded, "Do you think she's going to turn up, Reeves?"

"At this point in the search, I'm becoming more doubtful." Sergeant Reeves admitted with a sigh. "She's young and she's probably been taken, rather than actually run away."

"Yes." Sergeant Noakes agreed with a sigh.

"We've also had a young girl attacked nearby. All the locals are getting spooked. I'm hoping no more cases will come in. The people would get even more tense."

"Yes, we had a case recently where someone's baby was stolen. We had mothers coming in worried for weeks after."

"A baby? That's not happened a while in Stepney. Have you had any other big cases recently?" "We've had a woman go missing in the last few days too."

"What happened?" Sergeant Reeves asked with a small frown.

"She's a nun-"

"A nun?"

"Yes, a young nun who's a midwife at the convent near here. She woke up yesterday with bruising on her neck and a head wound and then disappeared that afternoon."

"We'll keep an eye out in Stepney, and I'll tell the chap in Limehouse, but I like to think a nun wouldn't have been taken too far."

"Sorry, Sergeant Noakes, but Doctor Turner is here to talk to you."

"Bring him in." Peter said to the Constable and then turned to Sergeant Reeves, "Doctor Turner was the one who checked over the wounds on the Sister that went missing."

"This is Sergeant Reeves." Peter introduced as the Doctor Turner arrived.

"Hello, Doctor Turner, local GP." They shook hands and Peter gestured at the chairs.

"I better be going up to Limehouse. I will let him know about this Sister, Noakes." He gave them a nod before departing.

"Hello, Doctor Turner. I just want to ask you a few questions about Sister Bernadette."

"Of course. I-uh I just wanted to ask, is she officially missing?" Doctor Turner asked, wishing that a proper investigation would start but knowing that Peter would do all he could.

"Yes. After I interview you, I'm going to go to Nonnatus House and ask a few more questions there. I will also be sending out some of my men for a general search before a more thorough search which might take place tomorrow." Peter sensed that the doctor wanted to know what was happening.

"Yes, okay."

"We will do all we can, Doctor Turner." Doctor Turner nodded, "Shall we start with the questions?" "Of course."

"Can you give me a general description of her injuries please?"

"I'll tell you what I can. She ran out of the room before I had the chance to finish a proper examination." Peter gave a nod for him to continue, "She had quite severe bruises over her neck and her breast bone. From what I could tell, they went down further. I didn't have the chance for a further examination of how much further down they went, or whether there were bruises on her back. She also had a large bloody patch on the back of her head to the left side. I suspect she'd received a concussion from that wound."

"How do you think she got these wounds?"

"She told me that a patient grabbed her and when she pulled away she hit her head."

"And do you think that's how she really got the wounds?" Peter asked, taking note of what Doctor Turner was saying.

"The bruising on her neck didn't look like it was from simply being grabbed. It-it must have been more than that. She had bruising over her breast bone, a place you wouldn't have grabbed otherwise. They look like wounds from...well assault. And the head wound, looked like wounds I've seen on men in fights who've had their heads slammed against the wall." Doctor Turner paused. This was much harder than he had imagined it being. Usually his anxiety for patients wasn't thishigh. He felt like he would lose himself if she wasn't found. He felt like his heart was trapped away, hidden just like Sister Bernadette.

"I see, so you think that she was assaulted?"

"I couldn't know that for sure." He paused once more, "But that's what it looks like."

"And how did she seem mentally to you?"

"She seemed quite hesitant and I," He breathed a sigh, "I think she was lying to me."

"You say she got away before you could finish examining her," Doctor Turner nodded, "how?"

"I was trying to convince her to report assault, but she didn't want to." He hesitated, for some reason not wanting to share this part but knowing it could be key in the investigation, "When she was leaving, I grabbed her wrist to stop her and she flinched away."

"And what happened after that?"

"She couldn't look at me, and she left very quickly."

"Okay. Thank you, Doctor Turner. This will help a lot with the investigation."

They shook hands and Doctor Turner stood to leave, "Would you like a lift to Nonnatus House? I was just about to head over myself to check some cases with the nurses there."

"I might take you up on that offer." Peter said with a smile, "I'll need to take one of my constables with me too, will that be okay?" Doctor Turner nodded and Peter went and collected Constable Forrest. The three of them went to the car and Doctor Turner quickly delivered them to Nonnatus. The three of them went to the door and knocked. It was Sister Evangelina who answered the door. She stood there, slightly taller because the convents doorway had a step, and studied the three men before her.

"Are you here to see Sister Julienne?" She asked, still not stepping aside for them to enter.

"I'm here to talk to Nurse Franklin and Nurse Lee about a couple of patients." Doctor Turner explained.

"We are here to ask some questions about Sister Bernadette's disappearance. We would prefer to speak with Sister Julienne."

"Doctor Turner, you may come in and go and see Nurse Franklin, Nurse Lee is still on rounds however." She stepped aside and let Doctor Turner through, "You two, I'm afraid will have to come back later or ask questions of someone else. Sister Julienne is not to have visitors."

"Is she ill?" Peter asked, worried for the woman Chummy had spoken of. Sister Evangelina paused before answering. "She's...

><> ><> <>< <><

"Sister Evangelina?" It was Fred.

"What is it, Fred?" She asked, rising from her chair.

"It's Sister Julienne. I was trying to talk to her about the new plans for the veggie garden out back and she...well, I think you better come and talk to her." Sister Evangelina stood with a nod,

"She's in her office, Sister."

She began to walk, as briskly as she could, towards the office. She soon found it, and the door was closed. She paused; Sister Julienne barely ever closed her door. She sighed, it was worse than she had first thought. She gave a brief knock and then opened the door. Sister Julienne was on the floor next to her desk, her hands clasped in front of her. She had her eyes closed, and an almost desperate expression on her face.

Sister Evangelina remained silent, respecting her Sister's right to silent during her conference with the Lorde. She walked over to where her Sister knelt, and got onto the floor herself. She began to pray, thinking of both her lost Sister and her almost bereaved Sister. Sister Evangelina wasn't sure how long they sat there praying, but she suddenly heard a small whimper from her left. It was a sad sound to hear, like the sound a baby makes when its mother leaves it. Sister Evangelina turned to face her Sister.

"I'm sorry." She gasped, trying to contain her tears.

"Sister, you don't need to apologise to me." Sister Evangelina said softly, "You have felt a large loss, but we will get through this."

"I do not know what to do. I feel so lost without her. She..." Sister Julienne stopped. "I-" She couldn't explain the protective feeling she felt for Sister Bernadette. She felt as though she was responsible for the girl, and...She paused and finally admitted it to herself. She loved her Sister Bernadette as she felt a mother would. She couldn't express her feelings, and now that her daughter was gone she felt so very lost.

"You love her don't you?" Sister Evangelina asked and Sister Julienne looked up, "I mean, we all love each other. We are sisters in both senses. Yet, you and Sister Bernadette I sense are more than that." Sister Julienne sniffled and nodded. "And because of that, she will come back to you. For now, we must be strong for her, and do all we can to ensure that she returns."

"How?" Sister Julienne asked, for once needing strong guidance from her Sister.

"Firstly we need to worry about your health. How did you sleep last night, Sister?"

"Not too well, I'm afraid." Sister Julienne admitted.

"Then you will have the rest of the day off, and Nurse Lee can take your round and I will deal with everything else."

"Thank you, Sister."

The two Sisters stood up and Sister Evangelina suggested that a day off convalescing would be good for her. They walked to her room and Sister Evangelina promised to bring her some tissues and a mug of Horlicks.

"You promise me that you'll come and get me or one of the nurses if you need us. For anything." "Yes, Sister. I must thank you for this." She gave a small smile, and sat on her bed.

"You will not be disturbed by anyone. I will make sure of it."

><> ><> <>< <><

"Who would you suggest we speak with then?" Peter asked.

"Doctor Turner and Nurse Franklin can tell you what happened before Sister Bernadette disappeared, and I can help you with everything else, including access to her files as required."

"Sister Bernadette is now officially missing and we need to conduct a proper interview." Peter explained, eliciting a sigh from Sister Evangelina.

"What sort of things will you need to know? I've known Sister Bernadette for nearly nine years. I can tell you most things. Sister Julienne will be able to talk to you tomorrow."

"Of course. Thank you very much." Finally Sister Evangelina stepped aside and led them to Sister Julienne's office.

First the boring questions were asked. When did she disappear? How did she disappear? What's her real name? Did she seem worried to you? Has she done this before? How old is she? Does she have any relations? Is she at all ill in anyway? Did she have any enemies that they knew of? Was she to inherit anything big? Had she given up something big? Sister Evangelina answered all these questions with ease. Nothing was out of the ordinary except the happenings of that morning and that she had seemed almost distant recently.

Then Peter Noakes explained to her how they would search for her and how they would inform her if they made any progress.

Sister Evangelina nodded and then Peter said that he would be back tomorrow to talk to Sister Julienne and that the search had commenced. Sister Evangelina thanked them and showed them to the door.

That evening at the dinner table at Nonnatus house was a quiet one. Jenny and Cynthia were at a birth and the atmosphere of the table was so very quiet.

" 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.' But we have no staff to guide us. Whatever shall we do?" Sister Monica-Joan had asked, deepening the tense atmosphere.

><> ><> <>< <><

Her head was throbbing and her mouth was dry. She was scared to move, remembering that she had blacked out sometime ago. What time was it? She had no idea.

She slowly began to move, pain slowly becoming familiar. She shifted, trying not to move her spine, and saw that although the water remained there, the bread had been taken away. She felt almost glad, feeling like she wouldn't have been able to swallow the bread anyway. She heard soft, hesitant footsteps coming towards the door, and she hunched up in fear.

The door opened, and she blinked, feeling blinded by the light. There was a figure at the door. Her eyes slowly began to adjust, and she studied each feature. The figure before her was a young woman. She had brown hair and pale skin. Her eyes were a soft blue and she had delicate rosy cheeks.

"Shelagh?" Her voice was dulcet. It had a Scottish lilt which had been softened by the influence of a London accent. She looked shocked.

Shelagh couldn't recognise her, even as she tried. Her brain felt muggy, and her body was aching.

"Shelagh." The woman almost sobbed her name, and she began to move forward. "Shelagh, talk to me."

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you." _Even to her own ears her voice sounded raw. _"Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

The woman finished the quote as she knelt down next to her. "Shelagh, it's me."

Her brain hurt, yet could not find it in itself to recognise her. The eyes, the hair, the lips, the cheeks, they were all familiar to her. Older perhaps. Happier even. Yet scared still. Who was this woman? And why was she here? Why did her spine hurt? Why did her heart hurt? It was too much, and she gave in to the murky blackness that was all too familiar to her.

**Part 4.**

When she fell back into consciousness she felt warm, as if she was being hugged. She slowly flickered her eyes open. A blurry figure. She could not quite make her out, as her glasses were not on.

"Shelagh?" It was definitely that woman again. She tried to sit up, but gasped at the pain that attacked her spine. "Be careful. Would you like some water?" She gave a small nod and felt a cup bought to her lips. She took a small sip, and felt the cool water balm her throat. The woman then helped her to replace her glasses, and suddenly she was crystal clear once more, but her identity was still hidden.

"Shelagh, do you know who I am?" The woman asked, hugging the Shelagh to her.

She tried to think, she really did, but nothing came from it. "No." She admitted quietly.

"It's me. It's your sister." Shelagh gave a gasp.

"Amalie?" It was too good to be true, "How can it be?" Happiness spread through her chest, "Amalie!" Tears sprung freely as the two sister reunited.

"Oh Shelagh!"

"I've missed you so." They hugged and smiled. She gasped suddenly, "You shouldn't be here! Has-" She broke off in a sob, "Has he hurt you?"

"He took me from home, said he'd found you, that if I went with him I could help you...Just like you helped save me. I didn't realise who he was until he'd trapped me in his house. Now I'm here, he says he'll hurt my fiancé or my mother if I try to run."

"But has he hurt you?"

"Not like he has you. He's barely fed me, and I miss the sunlight." She gave a small smile, "But Shelagh, we're together again. I've missed you so much." Shelagh was looking her over as best she could, looking at her for any evidence of harm. Her medical eye told her that she was becoming malnourished and she was lacking sunlight, as Amalie had said. She saw no bruises.

"I'm so glad you're okay. Oh, Amalie." They hugged once more, and Shelagh felt the safest she had in days.

Then suddenly the happiness dispersed as footsteps were heard coming towards the door. The two of them gasped and clung tighter to each other. The footsteps grew closer and suddenly a hand was turning the door. And there he stood. His face dark from lack of light. 

He looked at them, and anger lit his face. The two of them were wrenched from one another and they both felt an acute loss. Shelagh cried, but she could not fight back. She was once again flung to the wall and she heard the door slam. Sometime later a lock was clicked onto the door, but by then her tears were long dry and she still lying in the position she had been flung. Her only care was for Amalie.

><> ><> <>< <><

Doctor Turner had been trying hard to focus on his thick stack of paperwork. Suddenly he found himself reliving that day. He saw the look on her face as he'd grabbed her wrist, and he'd known she had been so very afraid of him in that moment. He remembered the tear he had seen and felt a small bit of guilt eating away at him. He then recollected having seen her only a week earlier.

They'd just finished at a difficult birth, where they hadn't been able to save the child. It was the dead of night when they left the house. There was no happiness and the mother had been taken away ill in an ambulance.

They'd left the house together in a sad silence. The two of them were still slightly shaken by the tragedy that had just occurred. They'd walked to his car, where her bicycle also happened to be left. They stopped when they reached the car.

_"Please," He'd said into the night, "Let me give you a lift back to Nonnatus."_

_She looked like she desperately wanted to say yes; knowing she shouldn't be alone during this time, but then something caught her eye. She seemed to almost gasp, and then she couldn't look at him._

_"No thank you, Doctor." She had replied beginning to put her bag onto the back of her bicycle._

_"Sister, I can't bear the thought of you riding the long way back at this time of night after what we have seen." There was something about the way she kept glancing at something that was behind him that made him worried about why she was refusing him._

_"I couldn't put you to the trouble of it, Doctor-" _ _She'd been about to say something else, "It's no trouble." _

_She'd looked like she couldn't think of any other excuses. "I think the ride back would help clear my head." She'd settled on._

_"At least let me give you a lift to the Redmonton Flats."_

_"No, it's quite alright, Doctor. I'll keep you no longer." She'd got on her bicycle then and rode off down the lane._

He'd thought nothing of it then, but when she'd reached the end she'd turned left. Yet the route back to Nonnatus House required a right turn.

_He'd slipped into his car, and sat there a while. When he'd looked to the side, he'd saw someone lurking in the shadows. He'd shivered and drove away, not thinking about how easy it was to go about the block and come back around these flat buildings._

><> ><> <>< <><

Cynthia and Doctor Turner arrived at the Heabry Flats, at the same time. "Hello, Doctor. Are you here to see Mr Creek?" He nodded affirmative and Cynthia told him she was too. They reached the door three floors up.

Cynthia stopped outside the door next door to the Creeks. "You go ahead, Doctor Turner, I've just got to talk to the gentleman who lives here." She had been working herself up to it all day.

"Who lives there?"

"David Kithope." Doctor Turner couldn't recall the name or the man.

"I don't think I've come across him before. Is he signed up with the clinic?"

"No, I checked last night." Cynthia admitted.

"Perhaps I should go with you then." Cynthia gave a nod and cautiously knocked on the door.

"Hello? It's Nurse Millar from Nonnatus House." The door was opened, and a man opened the door a fraction.

"What do you want?" He demanded, not letting them see the rest of the house.

"We've been doing free general health checks in this area. We'd just like to give you and anyone else in the flat a quick once over. There have been a few breakouts of hidden diseases recently." Doctor Turner quickly supplied.

The man didn't move. "We don't want that in this house, thank you." The man said closing the door.

"Please," Cynthia called, "It's just," She paused before the lie, "We'll have to write down that you didn't get checked and we might have to come back later with our seniors. You're not only putting your health at risk."

"Look, miss, I'm a bit busy at the moment, and there ain't no one else in this house. You bring back your seniors and I'll be telling the same to them." The door was then closed.

"He was certainly something." Doctor Turner said.

><> ><> <>< <><

"How's Sister Julienne?" Cynthia asked Sister Evangelina that morning.

"She's still quite ill."

"I'd be happy to take her rounds, Sister. Any of us would."

"Perhaps Nurse Franklin and Nurse Lee could split her rounds, and you could sit with her whilst I do my morning rounds?"

"Of course, Sister." Cynthia smiled and went to tell the other nurses. She made a cup of milky Horlicks and grabbed a small plain biscuit. She then went up the stairs and towards the Sister's rooms. She found Sister Juliennes room, and knocked gently on the door. "It's Cynthia, Sister Julienne."

"Come in." She opened the door, and put the drink on the side table, with the biscuit. "It's a Horlicks, I thought you might like a biscuit to keep you going."

"Thank you." She paused, "I do feel so useless at the moment."

"No, Sister. You out of all of us is feeling this loss. We are happy to help you through this, just as you have and will help us."

"I want to do what I can to help them find Sister Bernadette." She suddenly said.

Cynthia thought for a moment, "You could go and talk to Sergeant Noakes again. Sister Evangelina said that there were a few things that she didn't know, that she thought you did. I could take you now, before I go on my afternoon rounds."

"If it is no trouble. I would very much like to try and help my dear Sister."

Cynthia nodded. "Drink the Horlicks and eat the biscuit, and then we will go together."

Sometime later, the two of them left for the police station. Many people paused to give them their condolences and assure them that they hadn't seen Sister Bernadette. As the search was official now, people knew what had happened. When they reached the police station, it was milling with activity.

"Are you here about Sister Bernadette?" It was Constable Forrest. "Yes." Cynthia replied.

"We were going to ring you; we've just received a call from one of the policemen in Limehouse. Says a witness saw a fight between a brunette in old looking plain clothes. She fits your description. Glasses, pale skin, slight Scottish accent and the like. We're about to go and investigate now. The woman was hit up quite badly I'm afraid. She's unconscious at the moment and hasn't been properly identified. No one local knows her."

Hope bloomed in Sister Julienne's chest and she nodded. "I'll just let Sergeant Noakes know you're here, if you could wait here a moment."

They nodded and the Constable disappeared before coming back with Peter.

"Hello," He said as he approached them, "If you have time, it would be helpful if you could come and see if you recognised this woman."

"Of course, Sergeant."

They walked to the car and Sergeant Noakes told them not to get their hopes up, "There is quite a high chance that this won't be her." They both nodded and slipped into the back seat for the duration of the journey.

They had polite conversation, and spoke of how well they were and how Chummy was and what was the weather doing this week.

They lapsed into a small silence, before Sister Julienne asked Cynthia a question, "I heard that you had Doctor Turner see Mr Creek this morning."

"Yes, he was complaining of lung pain and Mrs Creek said he'd coughed up some blood. It turns out it was another case of TB." She said.

"Oh dear, it does seem that we might be getting an epidemic on our hands."

"Yes, I'm rather afraid we might be. Sister, I forgot to mention it with all that's been happening," She hadn't really, but had been trying not to burden Sister Julienne, "when I was with Mr Creek mentioned that he had been hearing crying from next door. Well I was curious and so Doctor Turner and I knocked on the door today and a man answered. He wouldn't let us into his flat at all."

"Was this down at the Heabury Flats?" Sergeant Noakes suddenly asked. "Yes, it was."

"We've been getting a few complaints about that flat building recently. I think there's been some funny business going on."

They began to pull into Limehouse. And Sergeant Noakes pulled up at the local doctor's clinic, where the woman was being checked.

"Hello, we're here to see the Jane Doe that turned up this morning." Sergeant Noakes explained to the woman at the desk outside.

"Of course, come through." She said politely, as she led them to the back of the clinic. Sister Julienne and Cynthia slipped forward and looked at the battered woman.

><> ><> <>< <><

She lay still, her eyes misted over. She'd been laying there for some time now. But now that she had seen Amalie, she didn't want to just give up. She wanted to fight for her sister's safety and get them both out of there alive.

But first, she had to live through this. The door was being unlocked. And her monster was looming over her.

"Get up." He demanded, looking at her with an almost crazy expression. She didn't move. "I said, get up, you murdering devil." This was delivered with more force. "Get up!" He yelled as he delivered a swift kick to her stomach. She gave a small scream and crumpled into a ball. This cause her further pain and she inhaled with a whimper. Everything hurt and burned. Her lungs screamed with each breath and she was unaware of what was happening to her.

"When I say get up, you'll do what I say!" He stepped closer to her then and pulled her up. Her whole body went into shock and she was in absolute agony. She was glad for the warm and extremely welcome embrace of unconsciousness.

><> ><> <>< <><

They gasped when they saw the woman.

"Do you know this woman?" Constable Forrest asked.

"No. We do not. She is in a shocking state. The poor woman." Sister Julienne spoke softly, a small bit of disappointment on the edge of her voice.

"Thank you for coming out Sister, Nurse Miller. We do not recognise this woman from our region either." Sergeant Noakes said to the Constable from Limehouse that was in the room with them.

"We'd better get back to Poplar, Sergeant Noakes." They all nodded and started back to Poplar.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Would you like something to eat, James?" Marian asked as she stepped into the room where her husband was resting.

"Something odds happening next door again. I reckon we ought to say something, Marian."

They both stopped talking a second. "When I say get up, you'll do what I say!" There were a few clatters. The two of them stared at the wall where the noises were coming from.

"Shelagh!" A wail was heard, and the two of them gasped. "We gotta do something, Marian!"

**Part 5.**

"Thank you, Sergeant Noakes. I think I'd better attend to my rounds. Will you be alright to get back to Nonnatus House, Sister?" Cynthia said.

"Yes. Although, if it's not a bother, Sergeant, I thought I could answer a few questions about Sister Bernadette?" Sergeant Noakes nodded, and quickly told Cynthia he would make sure she got back safe. With that assurance Cynthia slipped onto her bicycle and was off.

She finished with the Creeks once more.

"Hello, James. I thought I would pop around and just check how that medication Doctor Turner gave you was taking. It's not too late to go to the Sanatorium for full convalescence."

"I'd like to stay 'ere, Nurse."

"Of course. I might just have a quick look at your leg wounds, and then I'll be on my way." Cynthia said getting out some things from her bag.

"Nurse, I gotta talk to you about something. Me and Marian aren't sure what to do."

"What is it, James?" Cynthia asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and giving him her attention.

"You know how we've been hearing that crying," Cynthia nodded, "Well we heard some shouting earlier. He said 'You get up when I tells you to.' And then we 'eard some bangs and crashes. I reckon he was beatin' someone. Then the most inhuman wail followed by someone calling a name."

"What name was that?"

"Shelagh." James replied, as Marian came in. "We think we should tell the police, but Marian's a bit worried about getting involved.

"I think I'd better call them now. I'll tell them what you told me." Marian looked worried, "You don't have to worry about getting into trouble, Marian. The police just want to help. They might ask you some questions, but that's all they'll do. And if you like, I can go with you when that happens." Marian nodded and went and sat by her husband.

"I want you two to stay here whilst I go down the block and call the police. I'll come be back soon and sit and wait for them with you." The two of them nodded, and Cynthia turned and went down the block.

She reached the phone and slipped into the box. She quickly dialled the number, and it was answered promptly.

"Hello, Poplar Police."

"Hello, this is Nurse Millar, can I speak to Sergeant Noakes?"

"Sorry, Nurse Millar, but Sergeant Noakes is currently interviewing someone."

"Can you tell them it's Cynthia Miller calling? It's a bit of an emergency."

><> ><> <>< <><

Peter led Sister Julienne back into his office and sat her down with a small cup of tea. They drank in silence for a few minutes before Sister Julienne spoke.

"I want to help with the investigation." She said in a quiet voice, "I want to help." 

"Of course, Sister. And you can help. Sister Evangelina didn't know much about Sister Bernadette's childhood."

"She grew up in Aberdeen with her mother and her father, no siblings. They lived on a farm, until her parents died and then she was moved to live with her closest relation, an aunt in Kent."

"Do you know the Aunt's name?"

"Mairi McCroft. Sometime before her aunt passed, she had run away. She never told anyone why. When she arrived at Chichester, or so I was told by Sister Felicity-Mary, she was quite shaken and on edge for the first few weeks. She would be found bawling in her room at night."

"Did she ever have nightmares whilst she was at the convent with you?"

"There was one time. She had been with us a few years. I heard a small scream followed by loud sobs. My room is next to hers you see, so of course I slipped out and went to her. She had just woken when I arrived. She was crying and I tried my best to comfort her. She told me that she'd been having a nightmare about the past.

_"What is troubling you, dear Sister?" Sister Julienne asked, a hand stroking comforting circles on the troubled Sister's back._

_"I- Oh, Sister I was so afraid. I couldn't protect her and oh I couldn't stop him." This only brought her more tears, and she clung to Sister Julienne._

_"Who couldn't you protect?"_

Sister Julienne paused. "Who couldn't she protect?" Peter asked.

"You know, I can barely remember the girls name now. I'm sorry, Sergeant."

"That's alright, Sister. Do continue."

_The name came out in a strangled voice. "Oh my poor," She sobbed the girls name. _

_"What happened to her, Sister Bernadette?"  
_

_"Oh Sister, I couldn't say." She began to breathe slowly._

_"Sister, is someone threatening you?" _

_"Not anymore." She gasped, averting her eyes from Sister Julienne._

_"Tell me." She asked softly._

_"I'm scared to, Sister. I think I will one day. I just can't right now, I'm so scared-..." She cut herself off with a sob. Sister Julienne pulled the girl into a gentle embrace._

"After that I held her awhile and she fell asleep in my arms. She was very tired that next morning, she nearly didn't make it to Chapel in time." She remembered with a small smile.

"Did you ever find out what was making her so afraid?" Peter inquired.

"No, it never seemed appropriate to ask."

"Can you tell me about what she did whilst working and which flat buildings she went to?"

"Well, all our work is similar, Sergeant. She was a midwife and a nurse. She was one of our more experienced members. She went to just about all the flat buildings around here though. I could give you a list of her recent patients and of where her rounds have been, but these things change regularly."

"A list of her recent patients would be very helpful, if you don't mind, Sister."

"Of course. I'll try to bring it around tomorrow."

There was a knock at the door. "Come in." Peter called.

Constable Forrest walked in, "There's a call for you, sir. It's Nurse Miller, she says it's an emergency."

"Okay, patch her through." He replied, readying in the telephone. Constable Forrest left and patched the call through.

"Hello, Nurse Miller?" He asked.

_"Hello, is that Sergeant Noakes?"_

"Yes, it is. What's the emergency?"

_"I'm at the Heabury Flat building. Mr Creek was just telling that he thought he had heard violence happening next door, where David Kithope lives. We think someone's trapped in there and that Mr Kithope is hurting them."_

"Where are they?"

_"Flat eight on floor three."_

"I'll be right over. Please try to keep this quiet until we get there."

_"Of course, Sergeant. Goodbye." _They hung up the phones and Peter stood.

"There's been a report of believed abuse and kidnapping at the Heabury building. Sister, would you mind going with us? I'm worried about what state the person trapped will be." She nodded and

Peter told her to wait in his office while he arranged for them to leave. Soon they were driving over. They reached the corner before the flat building.

"Sister Julienne, Constable Forrest and I will go to the door. Constable Giles and Constable Henderson will be waiting at the bottom of the stairs. Constable Macy and Constable Sutton will take the back entrance of the flat. Constable Yoxall I'd like you to stay in the car. We will approach quietly. Are we clear?" The men nodded and they walked to their places, only Constable Forrest, Sergeant Noakes and Sister Julienne taking the front set of stairs.

They went to the Creeks house first, and spoke briefly with Cynthia. "I'd like you two to wait outside whilst we knock on the door. I don't know how violent Mr Kithope will be. Mrs Creek, if there is someone injured, would you allow us to bring them here?"

"Of course, Sergeant." Marian replied, already getting out sheets and preparing a warm drink.

"Thank you. Constable Forrest, we shall proceed." The two of them left, and Sister Julienne and Nurse Millar stood to the side, ready to intervene.

Sergeant Noakes took a breath and then knocked on the door. There was a long delay and Peter had to knock on the door again before there was a response.

"What's this then?" The man asked.

"We would like to come in and have a look around your flat, Mr Kithope. We have been receiving complaints."

"Come on in and make yerselves comfortable. I'll get you's some pie an' ale then eh?" He said before barking out a laugh.

"I must insist that you let us in." Sergeant Noakes repeated.

"Oh, it's like that then, is it?" He asked, with a snarl.

"Sir-" Constable Forrest began before being interrupted, "You ain't got no reason to search my flat."

"We have strong reason to believe you're keeping someone here against their will." Sergeant Noakes said, "And if you don't let us in, I'm going to have to make my way in by force."

"What?" He asked with a cruel laugh, "You, little man? Don't make me laugh." And for a moment he let go of the door. It was enough time for Constable Forrest to rip the door open. The flat was dark and bare. In the corner of the room, a woman lay.

"David Kithope, I'm charging and arresting you with the abduction and holding of a person against her will. Anything you say may be taken down and used against you in court. Do you understand?"

David ran back into the flat. He was heading back into the flat. Both the Sergeant and the Constable ran after him at a speed. He flung open the secondary door and was down the stairs in a flash. Constable Sutton managed to grab him and Constable Macy clipped handcuffs onto David's wrists as he struggled.

"I killed her father you know? And he deserved it." He gave a maniacal laugh, "I was just doing God's work. Punishing the little devil for the people she killed. I'm not the one you should be arresting."

"Take him back to the station." Sergeant Noakes said with a look of slight disgust.

Constable Sutton nodded and he and Constable Macy dragged David away.

"Constable Forrest, please go and tell Constable Henderson and Constable Giles to return to the station, and then meet me back at the flat." Constable Forrest left, and Peter went back to the flats with a sigh.

As soon as David was gone, and the police, Sister Julienne rushed forward. The woman was unconscious. She had large blotches over her arms and checks, which on closer inspection turned out to be bruises. Her eye was swollen so much that it disfigured her face, and there were small specks of blood clotting in her hair. Sister Julienne knelt by the girl and quickly checked her pulse. It was slower than average, but not so slow that it was a worry.

"Nurse Miller, I need you to get some warm water and towels. I don't want to move her until we have checked for any internal injuries. Perhaps you could also call on Doctor Turner."

"Yes, Sister." Cynthia left at once.

Sister Julienne swept the woman's hair back with a gentle hand. She gently moved her onto her back and began to examine her. First she rechecked her pulse. It had gained some speed, and was almost healthy. Yet, the woman herself was not. She looked like she hadn't cleaned for days and looked underfed. Her lips were cracking because they were dried, and had been visibly chewed. Her skin was pale, which made the bruising appear even more severe. She began to gently feel over the woman's skull. She found a bump near the back of her head. It was bleeding lightly, and was slightly swollen.

"Doctor Turner's on his way." Cynthia said as she carried a bucket of warm clean water in along with some towels and cloths.

Together they began to gently clean the bruising and any cuts. They applied a small amount of balm to the woman's lips and wiped the blood away from her hair.

Just as they were finishing, Doctor Turner arrived.

"I came as soon as I could. Is this the patient?" They nodded and explained that they suspected assault. He checked her pulse and began to check for any broken bones. He then went on to check her head, before checking the swelling around her eye. "Severe bruising, a possible mild concussion and malnourishment. Some ice should reduce the swelling of her eye. She needs to rest and recover. I also think applying some balm to her bruising will help them heal."

"Of course. Is she safe to move, do you think?"

"Yes, I should think if you were gentle."

Peter arrived, and quietly entered. "How's she doing?"

"She'll be okay. She'll be sore a few days, but there are no internal injuries." Doctor Turner replied.

"Good. We've arrested the lad, and taken him back to the station for questioning. Of course, we might not be able to do anything, if she doesn't press charges."

"Of course. She won't be ready for anything for a few days."

"Perhaps you could take her back to Nonnatus for a while. We still need to identify her, which will be difficult with that eye." Peter suggested.

"Yes, we will take her with us."

"I'll take her in my car, Sister, I have time." Sister Julienne thanked him and he moved forward and gently lifted the girl into his arms before taking her back to his car.

"Nurse Miller, please go with Doctor Turner and set her up in the spare room. Get her a hot water bottle and balm her wounds. We must make sure we ice the swollen eye on and off, so please make sure that is tended to."

"Yes, Sister." She followed Doctor Turner out. Sergeant Noakes began to check over the house. It was quite empty. There was some food in the cupboards, and some belongings near a bed. He came to a locked cupboard where tenants kept their important belongs and extra things. He probably locked the poor girl in here, he thought with a small shudder.

Sister Julienne bid him farewell and returned the bucket and towels to Mrs Creek with a thank you.

"I'll give you a lift back, Sister." Sergeant Noakes offered, "Your bicycle is still at the station."

"Thank you, Sergeant. Perhaps I could ride from the station?" He nodded and the two of them left, Sergeant Noakes closing the door to the flat behind him. He knew he'd be able to get a master key for the flats if they needed to get in. The two of them left, a small feeling of happiness in their hearts that they had saved someone.

They weren't to know that as they locked the door they were leaving their battered friend without anyone. Alone. Without food. Or water. Or help.

**Part 6.**

Her body felt robbed of warmth. The floor was rock hard and neglecting. Her lungs burned with each breath, and she struggled to cough. Her lips were so dry that the skin on them peeled with ease. But none of this was the cause of torture. It was the loss of Amalie. Her poor Amalie.

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

The words did nothing to balm her aching heart.

><> ><> <>< <><

Doctor Turner and Nurse Miller pulled in, and Cynthia went ahead to arrange a bed. "Where're you hurrying off to?" Sister Evangelina asked as Cynthia rushed past.

"We have an abuse patient. She's to stay with us until she has been identified. Doctor Turners out in the car with her." Sister Evangelina followed her.

"I will go and make her a hot water bottle at once and prepare some warm towels." "Thank you, Sister."

Once the bed was properly ready, Cynthia went and told Doctor Turner to bring her in. He carefully lifted the sleeping woman into his arms and carried her to the room. Cynthia tucked her up and Sister Evangelina arrived with a hot water bottle.

"I'll be back this evening to check on her, and tomorrow morning of course too. If she wakes, we must be careful, she may have concussion. Please contact me if anything happens."

"Yes, Doctor." With that, he turned to leave, knowing there was probably another patient waiting for him. He had been so distracted these last few days, his mind being occupied by various thoughts of all the dangerous situations that Sister Bernadette could be in, and all of them were somehow his fault.

Cynthia and Sister Evangelina began to balm the bruises, and put more balm on the woman's lips, which were already starting to look better. They gently pressed and ice pack to her eye, and Sister Evangelina told Cynthia that she would sit with the woman until prayer time.

><> ><> <>< <><

Her stomach was aching. She could see dim light, outside the door. She was so terribly hungry and she ached for some water. The house was painfully silent, and she felt so very alone. She tried to crawl to the door, but the pain in her spine was too much. She gave up and just lay there.

"Help." Her voice was soft, and she knew it was futile to call out. No one could hear her anyway. "Please, help me." She went on anyway, trying to yell and scream but only air coming out. "Amalie? Sister Julienne? Please help me." She was begging now. Why had He done this to her? Maybe he had decided to punish her for the deaths of poor Dymphna and darling Moira.

><> ><> <>< <><

The night grew dark and the nuns were all chapel praying.

Trixie sat by the woman's bed, and was removing the ice from her eye, when she began to gently stir.

"Be careful, sweetie." Trixie said softly, "You've been hurt quite badly."

"Where am I?" She muttered, sleep clouding her eyes. Suddenly she sat up bolt straight, and began to try to get up, "Shelagh?!"

"You're not ready to get up!" Trixie exclaimed, gently guiding her back into the bed.

"Shelagh! Where's Shelagh?" She asked, crazedly gripping Trixie's arm.

"Who's Shelagh?"

"Oh he's got her now. Shelagh!" She was becoming hysterical. Cynthia rushed in to see what was causing the fuss.

"Get Sister Julienne!" Cynthia ran off, and Trixie tried her best to console the girl.

"Breath with me. In," Trixie breathed in deeply, holding the girls hands as she cried, "and out again." She blew out the air, but the girl wasn't listening.

"Oh Shelagh, I'm so sorry."

Sister Julienne arrived then, and quickly stepped in. "My dear girl, you mustn't trouble yourself." Her voice exuded calm, and the girl began to hiccup breaths. "What is it that is upsetting you?" 

"Where am I?"

"You are safe at Nonnatus House. I am Sister Julienne. We found you at David Kithope's flat. You need to be careful, you have taken a severe beating and have a swollen eye and may have a concussion."

"I want-" She gave a convulsive sob, "I want Shelagh." "Who is Shelagh, my dear?"

"She's..." She had to think, "My-my sister."

"And what is your name?"

"Annette Merle."

"Annette, you have been injured. You need to rest. We will deal with all of this in the morning, when you are well rested and ready." Annette seemed to collapse back into the bed exhausted, and quickly fell asleep.

"Stay with her a while. I shall go and telephone Sergeant Noakes." Sister Julienne left, and went straight to the phone, with a small yawn.

_"Hello, poplar police."_

"Hello, this is Sister Julienne. Can I speak with Sergeant Noakes please?"

_"I'm afraid he's gone home for the night."_

"Of course. Thank you." She hung up the phone, and decided to call the Noakes' house phone. _"Hello, Noakes household." _It was Chummy. She sounded tired.

"Hello, Nurse Noakes."

_"Oh, hello, Sister! How do you do?"_

"I'm well. And how're you? And Freddy?"

_"We're both well. The little bean is being very well behaved. I heard about that poor girl. I suppose she hasn't woken yet?"_

"She woke a while ago. I thought I might briefly talk to Sergeant Noakes about it?" _"Of course. I'll just get him." _There was a pause, _"Peter! Phone for you!"  
_

_"Hello, Sister."  
_

"The woman woke earlier. She is looking for someone called Shelagh."

_"Did you find out what the woman's name was?"_

"Her name is Annette. She's back to sleep now, and we'll talk to her more in the morning."

_"Annette?" _Peter asked.

"Yes, that's what she said her name was." Sister Julienne confirmed.

_"A woman called Annette Merle went missing from Stepney! Her hairs right! Does she have a birth mark on her neck?" _

"I couldn't tell. The bruising is too thick."

_"I'll be around tomorrow, Sister, we can discuss this further then."_

"Of course. Goodnight."

_"Night." _She hung up the telephone.

><> ><> <>< <><

Her body felt like it was failing her. She began to imagine someone coming in here weeks, months or even years later to find a body no one could identify. She was so hungry it hurt and so thirsty that she felt like the desert had more water than her body did. She couldn't sleep for the pain in her lungs and she could do nothing but lay there helplessly, trying not to cry because crying would only further deprive her of water.

Her energy was draining, and she was so close to giving in to the cool blackness that presented itself before her. If it were not for Amalie, or Sister Julienne (or Doctor Turner) she would have let go already.

The next morning Sergeant Noakes arrived early. Sister Julienne led him to the woman's room. Annette was still asleep.

"I checked her over this morning, and I found a birthmark on her neck."

"There was a girl that went missing from Stepney. Her name was Anette Merle. She has light brown hair, pale skin and a birthmark on her neck. She's five foot four."

"And you think this is her?" Sister Julienne asked with a nod.

"Yes. I think I better call Sergeant Reeves and arrange for her family to come and see her."

"Yes, I think that would be wise."

"I'll try to get them to come down today, if that's okay?" He asked.

"Of course. She'll want to be back with family as soon as possible." Sister Julienne agreed.

Peter then left for the station and immediately went to call Sergeant Reeves.

_"Hello, Stepney police."_

"Hello, this is Sergeant Noakes."

_"Noakes! What is it?"_

"I think I've found your missing girl. She said she was Annette Merle and she fits the description given." 

_"Jolly good. I'll contact the family at once. Can she come down to Stepney?"_

"I think it would be best if they came here. She has sustained some injuries. We found her abducted in a flat nearby. I think the man who lives there must have given her a good beating."

_"Of course. We'll drive them down. What address is she at?"_

"She's staying at Nonnatus House. The Sisters and nurses there are taking good care of her."

_"I'm sure they are. I'll call the family, and see if we can get ourselves there for 11:30, if that's alright?"_

"Yes, I'll meet you there with the case notes." They hung up the phones and then Peter called Nonnatus House to confirm the time.

><> ><> <>< <><

It was dark in the room, with only a sliver of light. She clung to that light like it would save her life. It soothed her aching body and helped her breath with her painful lungs. It was her food and her water. It filled the silence that hovered eerily over the house and it was what was keeping her alive.

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

><> ><> <>< <><

Doctor Turner arrived early that morning to check on Miss Merle. He found Sister Julienne sitting by the woman, her bible in hand.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sister."

"It's no problem." Sister Julienne replied, putting her bible on the side.

"How is she?"

"She woke briefly last night and got quite distressed, but she hasn't woken since."

Doctor Turner nodded and checked over the bruising. He then lightly palpated her swollen eye. "I think the swelling on this has gone down slightly. Reduce icing it to once an hour, and I'll see if it's improved any this evening."

Annette's eyes fluttered open and she slowly retook in her surroundings. "Sister?" She asked her eyes fully open.

Sister Julienne grabbed the cup of water by the bed and sat next to Annette. "Have some water, Annette." She gave the cup to Annette and helped her to sit. She then gave her a dry biscuit. "Don't rush eating this. You haven't eaten for a while, and you need to take it slowly otherwise you'll be sick." Annette nodded and nibbled on the biscuit. "This is Doctor Turner. He's going to ask you some questions so we can access your health properly." Annette nodded.

"Hello, Annette. I'm just going to get you to answer some questions for me. Can you tell me what your current address is?"

"Um..." She though a while, "I-I...I think it's nineteen Lacy Road." "Good, good. And what colour are the curtains?"

They were a soft green. She looked at them and stuttered trying to remember, "Uh, green."

"Good. How's your head? Any headaches or migraines?"

"My head does hurt quite a bit."

"Any nausea?"

"A little." She replied quietly.

"Can you look into this light please?" He asked, shining a light in her eyes. "Thank you. I think you have a mild concussion, Annette. You need to try and sleep. I'll have someone wake you every couple of hours and ask you a few simple questions, so we can check to see how the concussion is progressing. I'm also prescribing aspirin for the headache." He reached into is medical bag and got out a small box of aspirin. "Take one now, and see how you feel in a few hours."

The police car pulled up outside Nonnatus House a bit after 11:40. A man and a woman, both smiling radiantly, followed by two policemen went up to the door and knocked.

Sister Julienne opened the door and welcomed them in. "Hello, I'm Sister Julienne."

"I'm her adoptive-mother Helen Alison and this is her fiancé Thomas Grant."

"Mrs Alison-"

"It's Miss actually, Sister." Helen interrupted.

"Do forgive me, Miss Alison, Mr Grant, I was there when your daughter was found. She's not too well, so you should prepare yourselves. Her eye is quite swollen, and she has some bruising as well as a head wound. She'll be alright, but she needs lots of rest." The two of them nodded. They followed her up the stairs to the room where she was staying. Sister Evangelina was re-balming her bruises, and icing her eye when they arrived.

"Annette!" Thomas called as he approached the bed.

"Please try to keep your voice down. She needs to rest." Sister Evangelina explained, standing.

Helen and Thomas rushed over to the bed and gasped at Annette's wounds. The two Sisters waited outside and gave the family some privacy.

Meanwhile Sergeant Noakes and Sergeant Reeves were in a side room with Doctor Turner discussing the case. Peter and Patrick explained what had occurred the day before and the extent of Annette's wounds.

"I'm going to question Mr Kithope later today, but I won't be allowed to arrest him unless Miss Merle decides to press charges." Peter explained.

"I think I better go to the questioning with you. And we will talk to Miss Merle and her family as soon as possible."

"Miss Merle will be in no state to even consider pressing charges until she has had adequate rest, " Patrick intervened, "She's just had a trauma and has mild concussion."

"Of course." Both the sergeants nodded.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Miss Alison, might I have a word?" Sister Julienne asked, after it had been some time.

"Of course, Sister." The two of them stepped outside, "What is it?"

"Miss Merle was begging us to see her sister. She was getting quite distressed about it. We wondered if she could possibly arrange a visit or..." She trailed off when she saw Helens confusion.

"Her sister?"

"Yes," Helen still looked puzzled, "She said her name was Shelagh."

"When Annette came to us she was eleven years old and didn't want to talk about her past. All I know is that her parents died when she was very young and that her aunt left her outside our neighbours place and I decided to adopt her. She's been with me ever since. If Shelagh is someone from her past, I might not know about her. The past is such a fragile topic for her to talk about." This greatly concerned Sister Julienne.

"Of course. Thank you, you may go back to your daughter now."

She watched her go before rushing to where the men were having a discussion.

She knocked on the door and they let her in. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but there's something that's rather a concern." They nodded for her to continue. "When Miss Merle woke last night, she was begging for us to bring in her sister, Shelagh. She was quite distressed. I just asked Miss Alison about it now and she says that Annette didn't have a sister that she knew of."

"So there's a Shelagh missing too?" Sergeant Reeves summarised.

"I'm concerned that Miss Merle wasn't the only one that Mr Kithope abducted." Sister Julienne revealed.

"You think there's someone else who's still trapped in the flat?" Doctor Turner asked. Sister Julienne nodded.

Suddenly Peter gasped, "The locked cupboard!" He rushed out of the room, and the others ran to follow him.

**Part 7.**

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." Her voice was so soft and seemed to gently ease the fears that were beating in the little girl's heart._

_"Mummy?" She asked crawling into her mother's arms. "Will you be here forever?"_

_"Of course, my wee bairne. I'll be here for you always. But one day, I might be singing to you for here," She pressed her hand onto the girls heart and her forehead before finally touching the simple cross around the girls neck. "But I'll ways be here for you."_

_"Will you be here for Amalie too?" She asked, looking slightly worried._

_"I'll be here for both of you. Your daddy too." She confirmed, rocking the girl in her arms gently. "So now that you know I'll always be here. Do you think you can defeat the nightmares?"_

_"I don't think I'm strong enough mummy. Can you help me?" She thought suddenly._

_" 'Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lorde your God will be with you wherever you go.' Remember this always, my dear Shelagh. God is ready to protect you at all times. Just remember that."_

_"Will He help me fight the nightmare?" Shelagh wanted to know.  
_

_"Of course He will. Goodnight, Shelagh."  
_

_"Night, mummy." The girl sighed already falling into sweet dreams of safety._

_God is ready to protect you at all times. Remember that. _Those were the words her mother had used. Those were the words she herself had used many times to Amalie when she had been younger. She tried saying them to herself now, but without her mother's comfort filled voice it didn't seem to be quite the same.

She didn't think she could last much longer. She could feel her body slowly shutting down and beginning to fail her.

Her thoughts passed from the people she was going to miss (all the Nonnatuns, Sister Julienne, Amalie..Timothy and Doctor Turner) to the people she was going to get to see again (Her parents, Dymphna and Moira). She slowly began to give into it.

"I'm not afraid." She thought to herself, "This is what I am meant to do. This is what God wants me to do. It is time to give in. Let go." Her heart began to slow. She was about to let go of the last thread. The door was slammed open.

"The cupboard at the back! She's trapped in the cupboard at the back!"

><> ><> <>< <><

Constable Forrest was on the scene in minutes. Sergeant Noakes had rushed in yelling about locked cupboards and trapped women and everyone had leapt into action. Lock cutters were grabbed and cars sped to the flat building they'd only visited the other day.

Sergeant Noakes, Constable Forrest, Doctor Turner and Sister Julienne went straight to the flat and busted the door open.

"The cupboard at the back! She's trapped in the cupboard at the back!" Sergeant Noakes yelled running to where the door was. "We're coming Shelagh!"

Constable Forrest busted the lock, and Sergeant Noakes flung the door open.

There she lay. Her complexion was ashen and she was barely breathing. Her thin body was covered in a blanket of bruises. And they were all shocked.

Doctor Turner and Sister Julienne sprung forward, "Ring for an ambulance!"

"Shelagh, we're here to help you." Sister Julienne whispered gently to the girl.

"Get us some blankets!" Doctor Turner called. "Sister, I'm scared to move her, she could have internal injuries."

"We must prepare her for the ambulance." Constable Forrest came in with a blanket, and they gently wrapped the blanket around her.

Sister Julienne stroked the girl's hair from her face, and whispered comforting words in her ear. "You're safe now, my dear. We're here, and we're going to take you somewhere very safe."

Shelagh was drifting in and out of consciousness and was very unaware of what was happening around her. She heard familiar voices and felt familiar caresses from hands that had seen so much. They bought her comfort as they stroked the knots from her hair, and the dry tears from her eyes. She was told that she was safe, and holding the hand of this person finally gave her a feeling of security. "Do you want me to go in the ambulance with you, my dear?" She finally recognised the voice. "Sister Julienne?" Her eyelids felt so heavy, yet she managed to open her eyes. The woman was blurry, but Shelagh could have recognised her anywhere.

The hand that had been combing through her hair suddenly stopped, and jumped to the Sisters mouth. "Sister Bernadette?" She chocked. "My dear, Sister?" Shelagh began to cough violently, her body convulsing with each harsh attempt at breath. "Get her water! She needs water!" Sister Julienne yelled, trying to adjust Shelagh's position so she could draw breath. Through the coughing a scream of pain could be heard.

Shelagh couldn't think. She felt like she was dying, but this time there was no tranquillity and peace. All she could see was black, and all she felt was pain. It was the worst pain she had ever felt. She felt like her lungs could burst.

The water arrived quickly, and Doctor Turner and Sister Julienne lifted her head and helped her to drink small sips of water. The coughing began to stop slowly and eventually she stopped.

"The ambulance has arrived." Sergeant Noakes announced. Two men walked in with a stretcher. They placed in down next to Shelagh, and Doctor Turner helped them gently ease her onto it.

"Don't leave me, Sister." She rasped, as they strapped her onto the stretcher. "I won't leave your side."

Sister Julienne stayed true to her word, and sat by her as the ambulance sped towards the hospital. She felt the ambulance begin to slow and soon enough the doors were flung open and Shelagh was being taken into the hospital. Sister Julienne was led to a waiting room, as Shelagh was taken to emergency for examination.

><> ><> <>< <><

The room was empty, and she knelt on the ground to pray. She knew she needed to stay strong for her dear child, but at that moment she felt so very weak. She prayed and prayed until she heard a hesitant knock at the door. A cold faced doctor stood before her. "You're here with the abuse patient, yes?" Sister Julienne nodded, "Are you a relation?"

"I'm-I'm her superior, and her closest of kin." "I need a relation really."

"I'm sorry; she doesn't have one of those. I can sign and agree to anything you need." Sister Julienne replied.

"Good. We're prepping her for theatre-"

"Theatre?" She interrupted, "She needs surgery?"

"Yes. We found a mass that's pressing against her spine. We've X-rayed it and we think there's a high chance it's a malignant tumour. We'll only be able to tell once we've removed the mass and given it a proper analysis. That could take some time. When we were X-raying her we also spotted a hairline fracture on her ribs. I need your permission to give her surgery to remove the mass."

"Yes of course. How big is the mass?"

"Quite big yes, one worries it might cause paralysis. That thing's been growing in there a while. It'll have only gotten really bad these past few days." Sister Julienne gave a gasp. "I'll need you to sign this, so we can start the surgery at once." With a shaky hand she signed the documents and the doctor was gone before she could ask any more questions.

She left the waiting room, shakily and went to the nurse's desk. "Is there a phone I could use?" She asked.

"Yes, dear." The nurse wrote her out some instructions and wished her luck and she began to walk. She didn't even know what she was going to say and suddenly she found herself standing outside the phone. She slipped a coin from a pocket, and slipped it into the slot, before dialling the Nonnatus house line.

_"Hello, Nonnatus House, midwife speaking." _It was Sister Evangelina. "Oh, Sister." She chocked.

"Sister Julienne?"

"I-I found Sister Bernadette." She replied weakly.

"Where is she? Is she safe?"

"I'm at the hospital. She's-she's about to go into to surgery."

><> ><> <>< <><

The nurses were all in the lounge talking with Fred, and Sister Monica-Joan, when Sister Evangelina entered. The temperature in the air seemed to drop and the atmosphere began to tense up.

"I have some news." She said, as she sat down heavily on a chair. "It's about Sister Bernadette."

"Has she been found?" Chummy asked.

"Yes. This afternoon. Sister Julienne is with her now. At the hospital."

"The hospital?!" They all gasped, before a sea of questions was asked.

"Yes. She's about to have some surgery. They found a mass pressing on her spine they need to remove, and they think it is malignant." She gasped, holding back tears before continuing, "They won't know till it's out, and they also found a hairline fracture on her ribs."

Everyone was stunned. "Where was she found, Sister?" Cynthia asked, suddenly expecting something.

"At David Kithope's house." This caused a surge of questions and gasps.

"I'm going down now to the hospital, to be with Sister Julienne. I assume you can cope here."

"Of course we can, Sister. You go where you're needed." Cynthia said, standing. She helped Sister Evangelina to the door and into the police car. Sergeant Noakes had offered to give her a lift. She then went up the stairs, to the room Annette was staying in. They had given the instructions of what to do with the ice and the balm for her lips so that the family could have some privacy.

Cynthia knew she was due for her concussion check, but she also wanted to ask the girl some other questions. She knocked lightly on the door. "Come in!"

She opened the door quietly. "Hello Miss Alison, Mr Grant. I thought you might like a small break whilst I quickly do her concussion checks." They smiled gratefully. "I'm sure if you went downstairs and asked, that the other nurses would help you with some cake. I think Mrs B has made some walnut sponge." They nodded thanks at left the room.

Cynthia moved forward and gently roused the girl. "Hello Annette."

"Hello, nurse." She replied foggily as her eyes flicked open.

"I'm just going to ask you a few questions. I heard that we'll be able to stop doing this with you in a bit." Annette nodded, "Can you tell me when your birthday is?"

"The seventh of January." She said with little hesitation.

"Good and your mother mothers full name?"

"Helen Alison."

"Alright. I think you're ready for some trickier questions." Cynthia paused. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Yes." Her face contorted slightly, "I have a sister."

"What's her name, Annette?" Cynthia asked softly.

"Her name is Shelagh."

"Can you tell me about Shelagh?"

"She's always protected me. Even when she had to leave me with my mother. I was safer then. She's so beautiful to me. And I hadn't seen her for nearly ten years."

"But you saw her recently, Annette?" Cynthia asked.

"Yes! And she's trapped! Please nurse, you understand! You have to save her!" She began to cry softly.

"Annette, we found Shelagh." Cynthia was almost certain that the girl that Annette was yearning for and their own Sister Bernadette were the same. "She's safe. She's been taken to a hospital where she is being treated. We will make sure she is returned safe to you." She sobbed in relief.

"Nurse?"

"Yes, Annette?"

"Can you tell her something for me?"

"Of course I will." Cynthia moved closer and Annette whispered her message in her ear. "I'll tell her Annette."

"You must say that it was from Amalie." Annette insisted, "She will not know who Annette is."

"Was-was Amalie the name you used before you were adopted?" Cynthia asked, trying not to seem like she was prying. Annette or Amalie nodded. "And was Shelagh the name Sis-she used before you were adopted?"

"Yes, she told me to change my name, and said that she would change hers too."

"I'll tell her what you said, Annette, I promise."

"Perhaps, whilst we are alone, you could call me Amalie, nurse. I never really grew to like Annette. My mother named me Amalie after her mother. I always felt like I was carrying on the name."

"If you call me Cynthia, Amalie." She said with a small smile. "Do you want me to tell your family about us finding Shelagh?"

"I think I'd better explain it. I always promised my mother I would one day, and Thomas deserves to know."

"Of course, Amalie." She said, stressing the girl's name.

"Thank you, Cynthia. Maybe you could come up here sometimes, and we could talk. I love my mother and my fiancé of course, but they wouldn't want to hear about this stuff."

"I'd love to, Amalie." Cynthia gave a small smile, just as Thomas walked in. "How're you feeling, Ant?" He asked, as he walked to her bedside.

"Better, Massey." She whispered with a smile.

"I'll leave you to it. I think that's the last concussion check you'll need for a while. We might check you tomorrow morning, but apart from that. Doctor Turner should be in this evening to give you the once over."

"Thanks, nurse." With that Cynthia left, and decided she would go to the hospital the next day, when Sister Bernadette was ready for visitors. She began to wonder why Sister Bernadette was taken by that man and why she had left her sister all those years ago.

**Part 8.**

"Are you here with," The doctor looked down at his clipboard, "Sister Bernadette?"

"Yes." Sister Julienne and Sister Evangelina stood up.

"We managed to remove the mass that was pressing on her spine. We've sent the specimen into analysis. We have strong reason to believe, I'm afraid, that the mass will be malignant. If so, she'll have to have regular check-ups, in case more lumps grow. We've put bandaging and a small amount of cast over her middle, to encourage the bone to reset and knit. We also have a strong concern that she might have concussion. There's a rather nasty lump on the back of her head. Once the anaesthetic begins to wear off, we're going to start a gentle food and water drip."

"Can we see her?" Sister Julienne asked.

"She's not ready for visitors. She needs a full night of rest before she'll be ready to see anyone." He began to speak softer, "You should not waste your energy here, Sister. I suggest you go back home and have a good sleep. Come back tomorrow afternoon, and she will probably be ready for visitors then. She's in safe hands, and I promise we will ring you if anything happens. What number are you on?"

"Poplar 459." She replied.

"I'll make sure she's safe."

"Thank you, doctor." The two Sisters left the hospital into the night.

There was a sort of buzz the next morning, now that everybody knew that Sister Bernadette was safe.

"Remember everyone; we still have our patients to see." Sister Evangelina reminded them. "Who's covering for Sister Julienne today?" Trixie asked.

"Sister Julienne will be taking all of her rounds until this afternoon, when Nurse Lee will take over. Now come on, let's get going."

"Sister?" The others had all left except of Cynthia. "I wondered if I could go to see Sister Bernadette this afternoon with Sister Julienne."

"Is there a reason why?"

"I have a message to pass on from someone important."

Sister Evangelina nodded. "Yes. You will go instead of me then. You must give Sister Julienne support and care. This will be hard for her. And please tell Sister Bernadette that she has been so very dearly missed and that we all love her." Cynthia nodded before turning to go on her rounds.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Dad? Why'd you stop?" It was morning and Doctor Turner and his son were in the car going to Nonnatus House. "Dad?" Timothy tried again with no response. "Patrick Turner!" This time he gave his father a small shove.

"What?" Patrick asked shaking out of his reverie.

"Why have we stopped here? I thought we were going to Nonnatus House."

"Sorry, Tim. I've been...distracted." 'By worry for Sister Bernadette' added in his head.

"I noticed that." Timothy replied, "You've been getting distracted for ages! Is it because Sister Bernadette's in hospital?" Patrick had a momentary panic. How did his son know?! "I know when Jack was crook with pneumonia he had to go to hospital for a while, and I got a bit worried. Sister Bernadette's our friend. Of course we're worried, but we have to trust the hospital..." Timothy paused suddenly becoming very wise, "And we have to trust her strength to pull through."

"When did you become so grown up, Tim?" Patrick asked his son with a smile.

"Just wait until I'm old enough to drive the MG!" He exclaimed and Patrick laughed. "That won't be for a long time yet!" Patrick teased, starting the car back up and driving.

><> ><> <>< <><

Cynthia and Sister Julienne arrived at the hospital and went straight to reception. They asked after Sister Bernadette and were directed to the correct ward.

The Sister in charge came straight to them and asked what they wanted. "We're here to see Sister Bernadette."

"Of course. She's in the bed at the end. I ask that you be quiet, she's asleep." They nodded and walked slowly over to the indicated bed. Their friend couldn't have looked younger or more innocent. She was swamped in blankets and looked very small. There were bruises visible and her lips still looked dry. She had to IV drips inserted in her left hand. She looked pale and extremely thin.

They walked to her side, and Sister Julienne put her hand around Sister Bernadette's.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Hello Doctor Turner, Timothy." It was Trixie. "Hello, Nurse Franklin. We're here to see Annette."

"Of course. Come on in. Would you like some cake, Timothy? Mrs B's made a real treat." Trixie offered as they entered the building.

"That would be great, thank you, Nurse Franklin." Trixie gave Patrick a smile before leading Timothy away. He went up the stairs towards the rooms. He knew that the Nonnatons had been allowing Annette's family to stay, but that they were to leave later that day.

He knocked on the door. "Come in!" He entered and Annette was sitting in bed, her mother and fiancé at her bedside. They were all smiling, although he sensed that Annette's smile was fake and just to appease her family.

"Hello, Miss Merle. I'm just here for a quick check up. How've you been feeling?"

"Quite well, thank you, Doctor Turner." She replied.

"Good. I'd just like to check that head and your eye." He stepped closer and her relatives moved to the side.

"Mum, Thomas, you can go and have something to eat. I'll be alright." They nodded cautiously before leaving. "I wanted to ask you something." She explained as he began to examine firstly eye and then her head.

"Everything's healing as it should be. At this stage taking small accompanied walks would be good, just don't exert yourself. Your concussion isn't fully healed." He explained, "What is it you wanted to ask me?"

"Were you there yesterday?" She asked, her voice softer.

He immediately knew what she was talking about. "Yes."

"Is she- is she going to be okay?"

"Yes. She at an excellent hospital and she's being taken care of."

"I trust you." Annette replied, a look of small relief on her face. "Will I be able to see her soon?"

"That depends on her recovery, and how you find walking about. You'll need strength, when you see her."

><> ><> <>< <><

There was a warm hand enveloping hers, leading her through the foggy mists. She tried so hard to follow it. She heard voices she knew. Where was she? What was happening?

She opened her eyes a little, but all she saw was a white space. She closed her eyes again, and fell back endlessly into the fog and a restless sleep.

><> ><> <>< <><

"She's came around early this morning. She was a bit foggy and drifted back off quickly, so we'll have to re-access when she next wakes up." The doctor explained. "We'll take her for another X- ray tomorrow, to check on her ribs and to see if we can spot any other masses. The analyst said the report should be in soon."

"Thank you, Doctor."

They sat with Sister Bernadette for much of the afternoon, and she remained asleep. Until near the end of their visiting time when Sister Bernadette flickered into consciousness. Her eyes were bleary and she looked confused.

"Sister Bernadette, it's Sister Julienne." She said gently.

"What's happening?" She asked, her voice soft.

"You're in hospital and you're safe."

Suddenly Cynthia saw that Sister Bernadette was about to have the same reaction that her sister did. That she was going to try to sit up and look for Amalie. Except for Sister Bernadette this could mean making the fracture in her ribs more pronounced. Cynthia moved forward quickly. "I have a message from Amalie, Sister Bernadette." Sister Bernadette paused, and turned her attention to Cynthia. Sister Julienne looked confused. 

"Is she alright?"

"Yes. She's safe. She's very worried about you, Sister."

"Thank the Lorde." Sister Bernadette murmured, looking up.

"She wanted me to tell you something." Cynthia moved closer and whispered in her ear. _"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

Sister Bernadette gasped. "Tell her I love her." She whispered. Cynthia nodded and they watched as Sister Bernadette fell at last into a restful slumber.

><> ><> <>< <><

Peter arrived just as Doctor Turner was going to collect his son. "Doctor, I wondered if I might have a quick word?"

"Of course, how can I help you?"

"I interviewed Mr Kithope earlier, and we need to know whether Miss Merle wants to press charges."

"She's probably just about ready to have a conversation about what happened, but not a formal interview." Doctor Turner replied.

"Perhaps one of the nurses could speak to her about how she feels about pressing charges. Sister Bernadette will also be able to press charges." Peter suggested.

Doctor Turner couldn't help himself, "What did David Kithope say?"

_"Your name is David Keith Kithope, correct?" Sergeant Noakes asked. "Yes, sir." His eyes were scarily wide.  
_

_"You were born on the fourth of August 1919. Is that right?"  
_

_"Yes."_

_"On the 12th of October you were found to have abducted two women, Annette Merle and Sally McTarin. Is this correct?"_

_"No."  
_

_"No? Please explain, Mr Kithope."_

_"I don't know no one with them names." He replied, "I was punishing Shelagh and Amalie." Sergeant Noakes looked to Sergeant Reeves._

_"There is large evidence that you abused and starved these women. Would you like to tell us why you hurt two innocent-" David gave a snort, "two innocent women?"_

_"Because they deserved it, officer." David replied._

_"We have reason to believe you abducted Annette Merle first before taking Sally McTarin. Why?"_

_"I ain't done no kidnapping. They both came over of their own will."_

_"Why did you want them in your house, and why were you punishing them?"_

_"That Shelagh's the one you want rotting in jail, sir. She killed a woman and an eight year old child." He replied._

_"Who did she kill, David?" Sergeant Noakes asked. "Dymphna and Moira Kithope."  
_

_"We will look into it. Where do you work, Mr Kithope?" "Down the docks."_

_"And why did you move to London?"  
_

_"Because I was doing God's work and punishing that good for nothing murderer." "One more question, did you know a woman called Mairi McCroft?"  
_

_"Yes. I met her a few years ago."  
_

_"Dismissed. Constable Henderson please escort Mr Kithope back to his cell."_

><> ><> <>< <><

Sister Julienne and Cynthia arrived back rather late. They were both tired and ready for an early night.

"Sister?" It was Doctor Turner, "How is she?"

"She's doing okay. She's recovering from her surgery and they're going to confirm whether the tumour was malignant or benign tomorrow. Her ribs are doing well."

"After you left, I found a bag in the corner of the room. I think it belongs to Sister Bernadette." He explained.

"Of course. Do you have it with you?"

"It's in the car. I'll just go grab it now." He returned with the bag and handed it to Sister Julienne. "Thank you, Doctor Turner."

><> ><> <>< <><

She found that she tossed and turned and yet she couldn't get to sleep. Sister Julienne sat up, and padded to the corner of the room where Sister Bernadette's bag was. She took it back to her bed and turned on her night light. She then, guiltily, began to gently lift the items out of the bag.

First a dulled pocket watch, that was made of gold metal. It had stopped ticking some time ago and clearly now only held sentimental value. Next she pulled out Sister Bernadette's bible. The pages were well read and it was almost falling apart. A silver hair pin came next. It too was old andblackening. She found a small picture of a young girl who looked like a younger version of Sister Bernadette. Perhaps this was what she looked like when she was that age. Lastly she found a small pressed flower. She gasped, it was the flower she herself had given Sister Bernadette. It was a pale blue flower and she had given it to the woman she thought of as a daughter.

She let herself cry as she held the flower that her daughter had kept all these years. Her daughter who might be suffering from cancer.

**Part 9.**

Today Sister Julienne and Sister Evangelina went to visit Sister Bernadette in the hospital. She was sitting propped up in bed with a bible in hand reciting verses.

"Hello, my dear." Sister Julienne smiled as she entered the room. They had moved her to a more private room to allow her privacy now that they understood her vows. Only a couple of days ago had they received the diagnosis.

_"We've gotten the report back now, Sister. The analyst ran some tests and it turns out," The air in the room seemed to become more tense as he paused to announce whether her tumour has been benign or malignant, "the tumour was thankfully benign. When we last X-rayed you we checked, and it seems that we have removed the entire mass, and your spine has responded extremely well. And there haven't been any signs of any sort of paralysis, which is very good._

_"We'd like to keep you here for a couple more days so that there isn't any chance that the hairline fracture on your ribs can get any worse. Ideally we'd get you to stay until it is fully set. You seem to be nearly over that cold you were having as well." They had all sighed in relief._

"How're you feeling, Sister?" Sister Evangelina asked.

"I feel quite well, thank you, Sister. How is everyone at Nonnatus?"

"We're all very well, but definitely missing your expertise." Sister Evangelina replied with a smile.

"Sister, I bought a few things from your room." Sister Julienne pulled out a small bag. It wasn't the same one that Sister Bernadette had taken, but it contained the same things, plus a few get well letters from various nurses, Doctor Turner and a drawing from Timothy.

"Thank you, Sister."

They sat and talked a while and then they prayed together. Just before they left, Sister Julienne gave Sister Bernadette a small pressed flower, this time it was pale pink.

After what seemed like no time at all Sister Bernadette was being discharged with prescribed bed rest. Her middle was still bandaged quite heavily as the fracture was still healing, but she was already feeling much better to be out of the hospital. Doctor Turner had offered to pick her up, and bring her back to Nonnatus. 

He went straight to the reception and asked after her. "I'm here to pick up Sister Bernadette."

"Of course. She is to be discharged at 11 O'clock, so she might be a couple of minutes. You could go up to her room, it's in the East ward." Doctor Turner knew his way around the hospital and found himself nervously knocking on her door in no time at all.

"Come in!" Her voice was soft as it came through the door. He gently opened it, to find her sitting on the edge of her bed, her bag beside her, and a letter in hand. "Doctor Turner!"

"Sister Bernadette."

"I've been discharged." She said, nervously. "Sister Julienne thinks that I should go to Chichester to convalesce, but I won't."

"I heard. I-" He hesitated, "I wrote to you."

"Yes." She ducked her head.

"I don't know if I said too much or-or not enough."

"You said what was necessary." This was accompanied by a small smile, "I'm coming back to Poplar."

"But Sister I-"

"I can't go back to my old life after what happened." She stopped, "I've had lots of time to think about this. And when I thought I was going to die-"

"Sister-" He looked anguished.

"Let me finish." She was firm but kind, "I need to say this. When I thought I was going to die, I thought of you. And during my stay in the hospital I realised why. All those things you wrote in those letters...They summarise how I feel about you. I don't want to go back to being in the order I..." She began to lose confidence, "Oh, Doctor, I'm being so forward I...I think I've been mistaken. I-" She turned away briefly, embarrassment colouring her cheeks, and disappointed clouding her eyes. "I'm sorry, we shan't speak of this." She went over to her bed and grabbed her bags before walking out of the room, with her head down.

Doctor Turner stood, stunned. He hadn't expected her to feel the same way. He'd had to let her know, but had expected to be rejected. And now he had just let her get away. He ran to catch up with the fast walking nun. Her head was still bowed as she signed some papers. He followed her to the car not having the words to express his feelings. They both sat in the car in silence. Patrick didn't start the engine.

"I..." He stopped. She looked out of the window intently, trying to hide the tear that slipped down her face. "I meant every word I wrote in those letters." He said, and he heard a small sniffle. "I want you to be certain about this I-" This was harder then he had thought it would be. "Perhaps we should wait until you are healthy once more, and...and you have spoken with both Sister Julienne and your sister."

She looked up when he said that, "You want me?" She almost seemed shocked. "Sister Bernadette-"

"Shelagh." She supplied nervously.

"Shelagh," Her name seemed to roll off his tongue, "Shelagh, I wouldn't want anyone else. But this is a big decision and I don't want you to decide something that you aren't comfortable with..or that you'll regret."

"I am completely certain."

"Please, think about it first." She looked down, "For me?" She nodded, and he finally turned the engine on. "Your sister has been begging me to let her see you."

"How is she?"

"She's doing well. Her bruising is healing, and the swelling in her eye has gone down considerably."

"And her concussion?"

"Practically non-existent."

"Has she told anyone what happened?" She seemed very nervous now, "What I did?"

"No, she said she wouldn't talk about any of it without you there."

_"Doctor?" It was Annette. "Do you know my sister well?"_

_"I do know her quite well." He replied._

_"The police want me to talk about what happened in that house and what happened to my sister when we were younger. I don't want them to know. I-I want Shelagh to be there when I do."_

_"And you can request that to the police."  
_

_"I'm scared to Doctor Turner, I don't know what to do."_

_"Shelagh is to be discharged in a few days. I'm going to talk to Sergeant Noakes about interviewing the two of you together."_

_"Thank you, Doctor Turner."_

_He smiled, "Any time, Annette. If you want to talk, I'm always here."_

_"Amalie." She offered._

_"You can call me Patrick, Amalie. Then we'll be even."_

_"Will you drive my sister home? Sister Julienne says that the police will drive her home, but I would prefer that you did it."_

_"Of course I will, Amalie. I-I'd be honoured."_

_"Thank you, Patrick." Amalie smiled._

"I've spoken to Sergeant Noakes and he said that you can interview together and that he will wait until you are ready."

"Thank you...Patrick." She nervously says the name she had read many times on the end of the letters. She had whispered it many times before, but this time was different.

He smiled as he drove, "She really loves you, you know?"

"I love her too. I always tried to protect her, when we were young. She was my little Amalie, and now she's all grown up."

Soon they were driving down familiar roads and before Shelagh was ready they were pulling up in front of Nonnatus House. Doctor Turner got out of the car and gave her a small moment to gather her strength before opening the door.

He gave her a small smile, and they went to the door and entered. The hallway was empty when they arrived, but they could hear voices in the sitting room. "You can go and say hello to everyone for a couple of minutes but then it's straight to bed. Those ribs aren't ready for any stress." Doctor Turner told her firmly, "I will bring Amalie to you once you've had a little sleep." She nodded before nervously moving towards the voices. He gave her an encouraging smile.

"Hello, everyone."

"Sister Bernadette!" They seemed to all chorus her name. Sister Julienne was over to her in seconds, placing a supportive hand on her back and they all stood to say hello. "Hello my dear."

They all told her how they had missed her, and how good it was to see her looking well. She smiled as they spoke, but inside felt overwhelmed and scared of what they thought. Sister Julienne seemed to sense this and announced that she would escort Shelagh to her room.

The two of them left together, and Sister Julienne helped to ease her into the bed. Cynthia bought in a warm Horlics.

"Drink this and then rest. You're still mending."

"Oh, Sister, it is so good to be back. I've missed it. I've missed you," She said shyly, "thank you for the flower." Sister Julienne smile and pressed a feather light kiss on her hand. She then rose and left the room.

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_Her lungs were screaming. She couldn't breath, and her heart felt like it had just shattered into a million pieces. She stumbled backwards and began to run away. Her legs flew her away from the house. They took her across the fields and away from the farm. They took her towards the village. She was sure she'd heard people saying her name, but she didn't stop. Soon she was collapsing between the front pews at the church, and sobbing. Tears blurred her vision, and she gasped._

_"Miss Mannion?" It was once of the local sisters. "Whatever is the matter?" She felt the sisters hand grace her back._

_"He's-" She gasped, the words dying in her throat. Then, 'what if Amalie got home and saw that?' And she jumped up once more and left Sister Margret-Rose, in a state of confusion._

_Then suddenly she was running with Amalie away from her aunt's house. "Why do we have to leave, Shelagh?" How could she explain? Poor Amalie. She couldn't force her into danger by keeping her._

_"You aren't safe with me anymore, Amalie." And her heart shattered again. Life without Amalie? She couldn't do it. But she couldn't let him take her._

_And then she was screaming so loud that she felt like she was ripping the inside of her throat. And he was there laughing and blaming, and he had Amalie, and her father, and suddenly he had Sister Julienne and Timothy and Doctor Turner. And she felt lost and very alone._

><> ><> <>< <><

"She's having a rest, and then you can go and see her." Patrick explained. Amalie was fidgeting nervously with her hands and the edge of her clothing.

"Of course." She replied, before nibbling at the edge of her lip.

"What are you afraid will happen?" Patrick asked, "You know that she loves you."

"I love my sister, Patrick. I love her so much that I'm afraid that I'll be a disappointment to her."

"Think about this, Amalie. You love someone so much that you let them go so that they can be safe. Imagine how much love a person would need to be able to let that someone they love go, so that they can be out of danger." He saw that she considered his point, "Shelagh gave you to your mother because she didn't want you to be in danger. She loves you, Amalie, no matter wha-"

They were interrupted by a scream. Patrick was out of the room in seconds, and Amalie wasn't far behind him. He reached the room, and opened the door. Shelagh was writhing on the bed, and screaming. Amalie stopped in fear, but Patrick moved forward quickly.

"Shelagh! Sister Bernadette!" He gently roused her, and tried to move her back onto her back. "No!" She yelled.

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_She felt David grab her and shake her. "No!"_

><> ><> <>< <><

"It's me, it's Doctor Turner. You're at Nonnatus House and you're safe. It's not real." He tried to wake her again.

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_She tried to pull away, and thrash to get out of his arms, then she just let go._

><> ><> <>< <><

She stopped thrashing, but was still asleep.

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_She felt herself relax. She'd just recognised a voice. Was it Patrick trying to tell her how to escape?_

><> ><> <>< <><

Sister Julienne arrived at the door, "What's happening?" "She's having a nightmare." Patrick said stepping back.

Sister Julienne swooped in, and put her hand over Shelagh's. "You are safe, my dear." Her voice was soft, and gentle. And it eased Shelagh back into consciousness. "It's alright." Sister Julienne responded to Shelagh's mumbling as she woke up.

"Sister Julienne?"

"Yes, I am here. Doctor Turner, and Amalie are here too."

"Amalie?" She tried to sit up.

"Your ribs have had a good shaking. You must lie back, and rest." Sister Julienne, helped Shelagh into an upright position, using the pillows to aid her back. "I must be going." Sister Julienne gave Shelagh a supportive smile, before turning to leave. Patrick did nearly the exact same for Shelagh before turning to Amalie and whispering, "She loves you, remember?" He then to left.

Amalie moved towards Shelagh nervously. She didn't know how to react. Last time she had seen her sister, she had been close to death locked in a cupboard. This time she was fully garmented in both her habit and wimple and was on her way to being healthy.

"Amalie!" She look hopeful, and as nervous as she felt.

"Shelagh?" Amalie moved forward slowly. "Should I call you by your other name?"

"No, please..Just call me Shelagh." Amalie had almost reached the bedside now. She stopped. "Amalie..." Shelagh gave her a desperate look. She wanted things to be the way they were before. But she felt that her vows stood in the way of yet another thing. "It's me."

Amalie thought about what Patrick had said. _"Shelagh gave you to your mother because she didn't want you to be in danger. She loves you, Amalie, no matter what." _She took a shaky breath and then she sprang into her sisters arms. And the two of them cried tears of joy to be together again.

**Part 10.**

A few days passed before it was safe for Sister Bernadette to begin to move around. She wasn't allowed to work, and spent most of her time either getting visited by Amalie (who frequently slept at Nonnatus) or praying for answers.

It was one of the days when Amalie was visiting that Patrick came in and told them it was time to talk to the police. They both nodded solemnly and Patrick offers to drive them to the station.

Constable Forrest greeted them in reception and led them to a room around the back. "Would you like anything to drink?" They shook their heads and then sat in the chairs that he had indicated. Sergeant Noakes and Reeves entered and addressed the girls formally. "Thank you for coming in, Miss Merle, and Sister Bernadette. We'd like to ask you a few questions before we get you to both formally identify your attacker." Sister Bernadette gave a small gasp, she hadn't thought she'd be forced to see him again.

"We need to know firstly, if you want to press any charges." Sergeant Reeves asked.

Amalie looked to Sister Bernadette, and Sister Bernadette hesitated. Of course she wanted him out of her life, but wasn't this what she deserved after what she had done? Then she thought of the trauma and pain that she had put Amalie through and came to a decision. She would surely be punished in other ways, "Yes. We want to press charges." Her voice was quiet, but decisive.

"Of course, we'd like you now to individually identify your attacker. You will be shown a line of men, and one of them will be the man we believe attacked you. You must simply say who you think it is. Amalie, if you could come first." Amalie was taken away, and Sister Bernadette was left with Sergeant Noakes. "I understand that you might not want to be questioned by me. I'm going to get Sergeant Reeves to interview you. I won't read his notes, and all that you say will be held very confidential."

Sister Bernadette nodded, "Thank you, Sergeant Noakes." Amalie came back with Sergeant Reeves, who gave Sister Bernadette a small smile. She stood and followed him. "All you need to do, Sister, is point out who you think is your attacker. You don't need to talk to him or anything, okay?" She nodded, and followed him down the corridor. "Just through here." He held a door open for her and she walked in. A line of similar looking men stood in the centre of the room. "Who do you believe your attacker is? Take as long as you need."

She walked shakily along the line. Each face she saw was followed by a small amount of relief about it not being David. But then she found him. And her heart began to beat like she was about to run. And oh, did she want to run. "This is him." Her voice was soft, and Sergeant Reeves strained to hear her. He looked at the man before him. It was the man that had been arrested.

"Thank you, Sister." They began to move toward the door.

"You bloody murdering bitch!" His voice was vile, and they both spun to look at him, fear gripping Sister Bernadette's heart. "I'm going to kill Sister Julienne, just like I killed your father and Mairi!"

"No!" Sister Bernadette seemed to almost wail.

"I'll make you pay for what you did! I'm going to cause her so much pain! An' when I'm done with 'er I'm coming for you an' Amalie. I'll never stop coming to hurt you Shelagh. Never."

"No, no, please!" She fell to her knees, and Sergeant Reeves went straight to her aid.

"Constable Macy, control this man!" The Constable moved forward and put cuffs on the David's wrists. Meanwhile, Sergeant Noakes helped Sister Bernadette up, who had begun to sob bitter tears.

"I'll kill you one day Shelagh Mannion!"

"No, no, no.." She was whispering fervently. She was shaking all over and tears were rolling down her face.

"Home time for you, I think, Sister." He helped her back to the room where Sergeant Noakes was and briefly explained what had happened. "I think we'll finish this tomorrow, eh?" Sergeant Noakes agreed, and they drove the two girls back to Nonnatus House.

Sister Bernadette was still sobbing softly as they reached the house. Amalie led her to the door, and then took her straight to Sister Julienne.

"Sister Bernadette? What's happened?" Sister Julienne was over to them in seconds, and had an arm on her back.

"Oh, Sister.."

"I promised my mum that I'd go straight back after the interview." Sister Julienne nodded and gestured that Amalie could leave, and that she would take care of Sister Bernadette.

"I'm just a telephone call a way, Shelagh." She whispered to her sister before leaving.

"Come sit down." She helped her over to the couch that sat in the corner of the room. For a few minutes, Sister Julienne let the girl cry, before starting to help her breath. "What is it that has upset you so much, my dear Sister?"

"They made me identify him, and-" She gasped, "He threatened you, Sister! He's going to kill you like he killed my father and everybody else I love." She stood up suddenly. "Oh, Sister, I can't stay here, I'm putting everyone in such danger. I must leave."

"You will do no such thing." Sister Julienne stood, and helped her back into the seat. "You need not fear this man any longer. Once you have been questioned, they will sentence Mr Kithope, and he will be put in prison. You will be safe. Everyone here will be safe. I really couldn't do without you." She admitted, quietly.

Sister Bernadette looked to Sister Julienne, "I-" Sister Julienne smiled. "I couldn't do without you either." She admitted quietly, and they held hands, before praying briefly together.

The next day Sister Bernadette finally spilled her story about what had happened when she was younger. She told Sergeant Reeves everything, and she tried not to cry. He paused the interview to confirm what she had said with the police in Scotland. He came back in, and told her to continue her tale. She explained what had happened in her childhood, and what had happened at Chichester. Finally she spoke of the weeks leading up to her going to his house. Sergeant Reeves nodded and expressed sympathy. He thanked her politely, and formally concluded the interview, before taking her into the reception, where Amalie was waiting.

The two of them left, and Sister Bernadette felt a small burden lift from her shoulders. Yet she wasn't quite ready to share what had happened with her family at Nonnatus. She knew they all wanted to know, but she didn't think she'd be ready to open up to them in that way for a long time.

><> ><> <>< <><

It was a week from the interview, and Sister Bernadette had been allowed to go back to some work in a limited way. She had had to practically beg Sister Julienne to let her even help disinfect the instruments.

It was the middle of the day and she worked by the autoclave rhythmically, trying not to put too much stress on her back. She was completely focused on her work that she didn't even notice that Patrick had entered the room.

"She-Sister Bernadette." She jumped at his voice and nearly dropped the enema nozzle she had been holding. "Oh, sorry, Sister!"

"It's quite alright, Doctor." She gave a smile. She was very unsure about where the two of them stood. She knew that they both had similar feelings, and from his letters, which she had poured over several times.

"Would you mind?-" He nervously gestured at his clinical bag.

"Of course not, Doctor." She put the enema nozzle down, and reached gingerly over the table.

"I've been wanting to talk to you." She looked up then, and saw that he too was flustered.

"Perhaps we should have this conversation in a more private setting." She was scared that someone might overhear them. She knew she wasn't ashamed of her feelings for him, but she didn't know whether she was ready to change her life in a big way like that.

He nodded, and stood a bit straighter. "Let me finish with these, and then perhaps we might make use of the garden?"

"Of course." She gave him a nervous smile before continuing with her task.

She was done almost quicker then usual, and the two of them, bundles of nervous energy, made their way to the garden. They walked together some distance from the house, in what came to be a comfortable silence. They paused by a tall tree, and looked to each other.

"Have you spoken with your sister?"

"I don't know what to say, Doctor Turner." "Patrick." He corrected.

"I don't think I can keep my vowels the same way that I did before." She had never been this open with anyone. "I want to be able to come home and see you, and be able to help Timothy when he's hurt. I want to be with you, but I'm scared. What will everyone say? Will they think I've lost devotion to God. I don't think I have. I just feel like He wants me to take another path." She paused now, but Patrick could tell she had more that she had more to say. "Do you think He wanted David to punish me?" It was a question she had asked herself many times over the years.

"Why would He want that?"

"Oh, Patrick, I'm sorry. I shan't bother you with this." Her cheeks were coloured, and he could tell she was berating herself.

"Shelagh, you could never bother me."

"I don't know what to do, Patrick." Her voice was wobbling. "I-"

"Don't cry, Shelagh. I'd love to marry you, if you'd have me." He admitted boldly. "And I will also be respectful if you want to stay where you are now. I'm sure Sister Julienne will understand, because she loves you Shelagh." She thought about what he had said.

"I think I need to talk to her about it, but I'm scared."

"I'll always be here if you need to talk, and Sister Julienne is the same. She could never be angry at you lo-Shelagh." He stopped. Had he nearly called her 'love'? He hadn't meant to at all. "You look tired, I think perhaps we should go back inside now, and you should take a rest." She nodded and they made their way back to the house. She knew she had to talk to Sister Julienne and soon, and she knew in heart that Sister Julienne would never want to see her again.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Have you got something on your mind, Shelagh?" Amalie asked, putting down her knitting. "Yes, I rather have."

"What is it?"

"I'm so conflicted. I feel as if my calling has changed, as if I belong somewhere else, but I don't know how to tell Sister Julienne."

"Where do you think you belong now?" Amalie asked giving Shelagh her full attention.

Shelagh stuttered, but then remembered that she was still simply Shelagh to Amalie. "There's someone that I believe I have grown feelings for. But that's not all, I-...There are other things in life that I want to experience. I feel this calling, this duty that He wants me to do."

"What's holding you back from changing your course, to follow your calling? If this is His purpose for you, then surely you must fulfil it?"

"I fear that my Sisters will think that I've betrayed them." She admitted, hanging her head slightly.

"They shouldn't if this is your calling. You only need to explain that to them. You haven't felt a change in career?"

"No. I want to lead the same life. Just in a slightly different way." She said.

"You need only explain that. I can tell by the way that Sister Julienne looks at you that she loves you very much. It's the same look that my mum gives me."

This gave Shelagh a burst of confidence, "I think I will speak with her now."

Sister Julienne was in her office, dealing with some paperwork regarding one of her patients. Her focus was lapsing. Her thoughts strayed to her Sister. She had noticed the young girl had been distracted lately, once more. She knew she would have to speak to her about it soon, but she feared that she wouldn't be able to tell her. She had thought it had to do with the traumatic few weeks she had just survived, and the memories that had resurfaced. Over the last few days she had been to visit Sister Bernadette during night to help her fight the nightmares that plagued her.

_Knock knock._

"Come in." She slipped the patient files away, and looked up as Sister Bernadette entered, two cups of tea in hand. "Sister Bernadette." She gave the girl a smile.

"Hello, Sister Julienne." "How can I help you?"

"I have something I need to talk to you about. I thought you might like some tea." She laid the cups down, and Sister Julienne sensed a nervous energy about her.

"Thank you." She stood, and made her way to sit next to her Sister, so that there was no longer a desk between them. "I have been hoping that you'd come and speak with me." She gave Sister Bernadette another smile, and indicted that she could start talking.

"Oh, Sister, I've been having this feeling for sometime now." She began, tentatively, "I have been struggling with what God wanted from me. I thought for a time that he mightn't want me at all anymore, but He has finally revealed to me what He wants. I've felt a shift in my calling. I feel that I no longer should-" She swallowed nervously, this was the first scary part of this conversation. Sister Julienne gave her an encouraging nod, "I believe God has another path for me...away from the order."

Sister Juliennes smile changed to a confused and slightly concerned expression. "You want to leave the order?"

"I feel that it is God's calling. I know I'm not suffering a loss of faith." She saw a look of despondency flash over Sister Julienne's face, before she hid it behind a fake smile.

"Do you feel it is God's calling for you to leave Poplar?" Her voice was quiet, and she only just managed to keep it from cracking at the end.

"No, Sister. I want to stay in Poplar, and..." She hadn't even considered that Sister Julienne might not let her stay, "if you'll let me, I'd like to continue working as a midwife and nurse. Of course, I wouldn't want to bring any bad reputations to Nonnatus House-"

"Sister Bernadette," She interrupted, "let us keep to what is happening now. What do you feel your calling is?"

"I feel that I am called to be..." this was the other hard part, "to be a wife and mother." She ducked her head unable to risk seeing Sister Julienne's reaction. They fell to silence.

After a few minutes Sister Julienne's tentative voice could be heard, "Will this make you happy, my dear?" It was the first time she had used the endearment during the conversation.

"Yes, Sister, it is what I feel called to do."

"If it is what God wants for you, my dear, then it is what you must do." She was taking it surprisingly well. 

"Really, Sister?" She couldn't keep the small amount of doubt she had from her voice.

"Yes, Sister Bernadette." Sister Julienne smiled. "We will shall discuss this in more detail, I think, perhaps once this week has ended?" Sister Bernadette nodded with a nervous smile.

"Thank you, Sister Julienne."

"Of course, my dear. I think you should go and have a rest now. I'm sure this was a trying conversation for you to have." Sister Bernadette nodded and thanked her once more for being so understanding, before taking the now empty cups and leaving.

Sister Julienne's smiled dropped from her face as soon as the door closed. She felt like her daughter had just been taken from her again. She sighed bitterly, before returning to her paperwork. She would have time to cry later, when she knew she had time and privacy and she wouldn't get interrupted.

**Part 11.**

A few months had passed, and Sister Bernadette was practically healed. Her ribs were no longer fractured, and all the bruising was gone. She was working full time once more, and felt well. She felt especially well, yet nervous, as today was the day she was going to sign her papers. She was going to leave the safety of the order to be where her calling was.

She hadn't told the nurses yet, but she was sure that Sister Evangelina knew. She had seen the looks of disappointment that she had directed at her when Sister Evangelina didn't think she was looking.

She sighed, before sending up a quick prayer and knocked on the door. She opened the door, and saw Sister Julienne. She nervously moved forward. On the table before her was a suitcase, and Sister Julienne had a small stack on papers before her.

"Sit down,..." She had been about to call her sister, but realised that it was not longer appropriate.

"Are you sure this is the path you wish to follow?" Shelagh nodded, "You understand that if you wish to return you will have to go through your postulancy and noviciate again?"

"Yes."

"Take your time to read these papers, and then please sign them at the bottom with the name you used before joining the order." She slid the papers across the table and let Shelagh read the documents.

"I have your clothes from before you joined the order in this case. As well as the money you had before you joined."

"I don't want it back. I've been given so much, I couldn't take that as well-"

"We must follow proper procedure." Shelagh signed the the page nervously. She then slipped off the ring that she had been wearing for nearly ten years.

"You can use your old room to change, and you will be given privacy. Then perhaps you could use the chapel before you leave." Sister Julienne paused, she was unconsciously trying to get Sister- Sally- out so that she wouldn't see her cry.

Shelagh thanked her, and nervously took the case to her old room, which was empty of the possessions she had. They were all in a bag waiting for her to take them away. She opened the bag and pulled out a grey pencil skirt along with a matching blazer jacket and a slightly creased white shirt. She knew that the garments were well out of date, but then again she hardly knew what the fashion of the time was.

She looked to check that the door was definitely shut, before reaching nervously up to pull her wimple off. She removed the cap and strap, before unpinning her hair. She brushed her fingers through it till it sat gently on her shoulders. She then removed her collar and the large wooden cross. She put them next to her wimple. She then nervously began to undo her habit. Each button she pulled open revealed more of the long slip that had been concealed beneath. She pulled the habit off and folded it onto the bed. She then pulled the shirt on, and fumbled with the buttons. She slipped the skirt over the top, and struggled with the zipper and clasp. She slid her jacket on, and smoothed her jacket and skirt.

She put on her small cross, and pulled her hair back off her face. She went to the mirror to review her work. She looked prim, tidy, and terrified.

She took a deep breath, before grabbing her bag from the bed as well as the habit. She walked as quietly and quickly as possible back to Sister Julienne's office, thankfully unseen.

Sister Julienne didn't know how to address her former Sister. Should she call her Sally? Ms McTarin? "Hello..." She faltered, "Ms McTarin." She settled for.

"Oh, Sister, please call me Shelagh."

"Shelagh?"

"It's my birth name. I changed it when I was eighteen." She explained nervously. She put the habit on the desk, along with her bag.

There was a pregnant silence between them. "Where will you go?" Sister Julienne asked, not looking up.

"I will be staying locally in a flat." Somewhere. She had yet to find one.

"Of course. I have your processions." She turned, and handed the few items to her. "Perhaps you could use the chapel, before you go?"

"I have so much to do, and so little time." Shelagh replied, fidgeting nervously.

"Of course." The stood opposite each other before finally moving to hug. They clung tightly to each other for a few moments, before Sister Julienne cut it short, barely fighting the tears that needed to escape her eyes. Shelagh knew now it was time for her to leave, and she took her bag and hesitantly left.

The moment the door clicked shut, Sister Julienne's tears slipped freely down her face and she did nothing to stop them.

><> ><> <>< <><

She walked out of the room, a suitcase in one hand and a small necklace that Patrick had given her a few days ago. It was a silver chain with a delicate 'S' on one side and a 'P' on the other. She walked nervously down the hall and was nearly to the door when a voice stopped her, "Excuse me?" It was Trixie. She stopped walking, but didn't turn. She heard the footsteps move closer. "Have you been visiting someone? Or have you had an appointment?" She'd planned on telling them that evening. She was going to find accommodation then come back after eating with Patrick and Timothy and tell them after they had eaten a meal.

"No sorry, I was just leaving." She began to move slowly, begging Trixie wouldn't recognise her voice.

"Of course..." She sent up a prayer then hurried out of the door, a goodbye falling from her lips as she went.

Patrick had agreed to meet her half an hour later, so she took her time, trying to blend in. She made her way to where they were going to meet. She found herself by the small cafe, standing awkwardly outside. She should have known he'd be late, she thought fondly. She put her case down, and clung on the locket. She tried hard to blend into the wall, where she wouldn't be noticed.

She was looking at the ground hoping she wouldn't be noticed when she heard his voice. "Shelagh?" He moved towards her, and she looked up. "Shelagh!"

"Patrick." She smiled as him, as he walked briskly over. "It's so good to see you again." He moved closer and grinned at her.

"I've missed you." He admitted. He wanted to kiss the worry lines from her face, as he noticed her nervously looking to the side of him. She seemed to be scanning for dangers. "Shall we?" He picked up her case, and guided her back to his car.

He opened her door, then moved round to the drivers seat. "There's a few flats free at the Smithern Buildings." He said as he changed the gear the car was in. "The rent isn't too costly, and the flats are nice." She nodded, and he drove the car towards the buildings.

They agreed that he would pick her up and they would eat out, before she went to Nonnatus. She tried to familiarise herself with the flat she was to live in from now on. She barely stopped herself from thinking 'until Patrick and I marry'.

The flat contained two rooms. A small bedroom with a cupboard and a bedside table and a kitchenette with a small connecting sitting area. It felt very spacious, and very empty. She didn't bother to unpack her bags. And simply left them on the end of her bed.

She sat on the edge of the bed, her mind blank. There were no instruments for her to clean, no knitting, no friends to speak with, or mothers waiting to give birth. There was no compline for her to attend, or family meals. It was simply her and this empty flat. She felt very alone. It brought back memories of the days after she had left Amalie.

She moved quickly to grab her bible, trying to block the memories from her mind. She flicked the pages as quickly as she could till she found the right page.

_"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."_

She knelt to pray, and felt time change around her.

It was a knock on the door that startled her back to the world. She stood, her legs slightly stiff. She moved towards the door. She opened it to Patrick. "Patrick!" She hadn't expected him yet. "Come in, let me just grab some things from my room." She gestured at a seat, and hurried out of the door and into her room. She saw herself in the mirror on the wall, and quickly fussed with her hair. She grabbed a small bag, and in it put some money, the book on drawing she had found for Timothy earlier, her bible and her father's pocket-watch.

She checked herself over in the mirror one last time before turning the light off and moving to the lounge room.

"Hello, Shelagh. You look lovely!" He smiled at her and she blushed.

"Hello, Patrick." He held his arm out to her, and she nervously slipped her arm through his.

"Thanks for the book, Aunty Shelagh! It's smashing!"

"You're very welcome, Timothy. I thought perhaps we could do some drawing together soon." "Oh yes please, Aunty Shelagh!" Timothy grinned.

"Say goodbye to Aunty Shelagh, Tim."

"Night Aunty Shelagh! Thanks for coming to dinner!"

"It was my pleasure. Goodnight, Timothy." She laughed at the boy as he hugged his new book gleefully. Patrick led her back to the car and opened the door for her. She thanked him and sat down. It was dark, but not yet late. She knew that the nuns wouldn't have started prayer.

He drove her to Nonnatus House. "Thank you for dinner and everything."

"Anything."

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'd love to! I have rounds in the morning and evening, but perhaps we could meet for lunch? I can come and pick you up at one-ish?" She nodded and they beamed at each other.

"I'll see you tomorrow." She opened the door, and gave him a wave before making her way to the door. Then the reality of what she was about to do hit her. Her heart begin to beat faster, and she felt her legs shaking slightly. She pulled a breath in and knocked on the door. It was Sister Julienne who answered the door.

"Shelagh!" She gasped, she quickly composed herself.

"Hello, Sister Julienne. I thought perhaps I might-" She faltered slightly, "I had hoped that I could tell the others about...about what happened this afternoon."

"Of course, come in, Miss Mannion." Shelagh gasped inaudibly. She hadn't thought Sister Julienne would refer to her like she was a stranger.

She stepped to the side and let Shealgh pass before shutting the door.

"This way." She followed Sister Julienne into the sitting area where the nurses and nuns sat together. Fred, she noticed was working on something at the edge of the room. "We have a guest everyone."

Suddenly everyone was looking at her. She stuttered slightly, under the burning judgements that were coming from her former colleagues. "Hello..I.."

"Didn't I see you earlier today?" Trixie asked.

"Y-yes you would have. I'm-" She looked over to Sister Julienne desperately. Sister Julienne saw her look and immediately looked back to the ground.

"Sister Bernadette?" It was Cynthia. She stood quietly to the side of the room, a curious look on her face.

"I-uh-I go by Shelagh now." She replied uncomfortably.

"Shelagh?" Some of the nurses moved closer to hug her. "I love your name!"

"You're beautiful, Shelagh!"

"We've missed you!"

"You look happier!"

"I'm so happy for you, Shelagh!"

"Well, I'm glad you think you've found your calling in life." Sister Evagelina's voice cut in sharply. Everyone gasped and turned to face Sister Evangelina. Sister Julienne said nothing.

"Sister Evangelina!" Trixie gasped angrily. "I think I had better leave...Thank you."

As she left the room she heard Sister Monica-Joan's voice echoing down the halls _"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled?"_

She moved quietly and quickly out of the building before the tears slipped from her eyes. Far away she could hear Trixie's voice yelling, and Sister Evangelina's responding. She opened the door, and was greeted with rain. She gasped, before moving forward into the bulleting rain.

"Shelagh wait!" She turned, and saw Cynthia. "She didn't mean it. She's just shocked."

"No, Cynthia, she has known for weeks." She began to walk further into the rain. The rain beat heavily against her back, but it was her thoughts that weighed her down. It was dark and wet, and she walked quickly, tears blending with the rain. She suddenly found herself knocking on Patrick's door. It was later at night, and her arms felt numbed. They were bare, she hadn't thought to grab her coat as she'd left. She was shivering, but her body was indifferent to the cold.

"Shelagh?" Patrick opened the door, a look of shock flicking over his face. He took a second before he registered the rain and ushered her inside. "Shelagh what're you doing here?" He didn't sound judgmental just concerned. "What if you'd caught cold?" He pressed a hand to her forehead, before guiding her to the couch. He walked away and put the kettle on before coming back in and slipping a blanket around her shoulders. "What happened, Shelagh, my dear?"

"Oh, Patrick." She began to sob once more, and the cold seeped through her blouse. He bravely pulled her into his arms, and whispered comforting words.

><> ><> <>< <><

"How're you feeling?" Annette asked her sister a few days later.

"I'm well. Let us not talk about me. What about you? And your wedding in two days!" Shelagh smiled at her sister.

"I have to admit, I am relieved that it is so soon. I don't think I could wait much longer to be his wife." She glanced over at Thomas. "I'm so very lucky."

"I'm so proud of you, Amalie!"

"You...You do like Thomas don't you?" Anette asked nervously.

"Of course! You and he are so perfect together! I'm so happy for you and all that you've achieved." They hug gently, before moving out of the kitchen and into the sitting room.

"Here's the tea!" Patrick, Thomas, Timothy and Helen were sitting in the room chatting.

"Timothy, would you like some lemon cordial? I think we have some in the fridge." He nodded, and Amalie took him to the kitchen to get the drink.

They drank their drinks and discussed the upcoming wedding. "Look at the time! I think we had better be going!" Patrick said as he glanced down at his watch. "Thank you very much for having us for dinner, Miss Alison! The casserole was magnificent!" Timothy thanked him too, and they moved towards the door. Shelagh hugged her sister, and smiled, promising that she would pack her things for the sleep over she was going to have the night before the wedding.

"I think I'll retire for the night. I'll see you tomorrow, Thomas."

"Goodnight, Helen." Helen left the room, and they smiled at each other.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." Annette said once they were seated next to each other on the settee.

"What is it, Ant?"

"I thought perhaps...now that it's safe to, I think I'd like to go by Amalie again." She watched as his face fell slightly, before he covered it with a small smile.

"Of course, love."

"Are you sure, Massey?" She asked.

"I'm happy with what you want." He replied, looking away slightly.

Then she realised. "I still want you to call me Ant, Massey! I'll just be formally known as Amalie." He looked at her in surprise. "How did you know?"

"I love it when you call me Ant. I was talking about everyone else." He beamed at her.

"I love you, Ant."

"I love you, Massey."

><> ><> <>< <><

The wedding had passed and Shelagh still hadn't been back to Nonnatus House. She had met with some of the nurses outside of the convent, but had yet to see any of the nuns. She was headed to see Cynthia, who had asked her if she minded talking to her about something.

The weather was still cold, and it was drizzling. She walked slowly, taking it in. She knew she had plenty of time until she was due at the cafe. There weren't many on the streets today.The occasional person rode by hurriedly on a bicycle, or briskly walked by. She paused, and watched as the rain slipped down the slopped street, gushing gently towards the gutters. She felt then, as if there was someone watching her. She looked around, and there was Sister Julienne, with her bicycle.

Neither of them spoke, both wanting desperately to know what the other was thinking. "Sister Julienne." Shelagh said, into the rain filled silence.

"I think we need to talk." She replied, "Are you busy on Monday?" "I think we do too. I am free Monday, yes."

"Perhaps you could come to Nonnatus house, and we could have afternoon tea." Sister Julienne suggested.

"Yes, that would be lovely."

Sister Julienne hesitated, "We've missed you." Shelagh nodded and the two continued on their opposing ways.

By the time she had reached the cafe, she had managed to put her encounter with Sister Julienne out of her head.

Cynthia was already sitting at an empty table when she arrived. The two greeted each other and ordered drinks and a cake to share. They spoke about what had been happening, and the recent patient cases they had encountered until they were about half way through the large slice of cake they had ordered.

"What is it you wanted to talk about?" Shelagh asked, after Cynthia had finished telling a funny story about an encounter she had had with one of her patients mothers.

"I hope you won't mind talking about this." Cynthia voice became softer. "I've been feeling this calling from God. I know He has a plan for me. I just wanted to talk about what-what it's like. The religious life, I mean." Shelagh nodded, and took a small sip of tea, "I can't talk to the nurses obviously, and Sister Julienne's been so distant recently. I couldn't tell Sister Evangelina, it's too personal and I...You'll understand better then anyone else."

"Of course I'll help. What did you want to know?"

"How did you know that entering the religious life was the right thing to do? And-and what made you leave it?"

"When I arrived at Chichester, I barely knew who I was as a girl. But I knew that I wanted to devote my life to God and to helping those who needed it. I just had this feeling, and I just..knew. I didn't leave because that life wasn't fulfilling, and I do not regret joining the order. In fact, I'm so very glad I did. It changed me as a person. I haven't lost my faith, and I still sometimes practise compline, vespers, lauds and matins. I just wanted other things." She trailed off, "The religious life is a rewarding one. It can be tough sometimes, but there is a strong sense of tranquility and unity with your Sisters."

"Thank you, Shelagh. I think I'll reflect on it for a little longer." "I'm happy to talk anytime you need to." Shelagh smiled.

Monday slowly arrived and Shelagh found herself, full of nerves, at the door of Nonnatus House. She knocked, and then stepped back and waited. It was Sister Evangelina who answered the door.

"I'm here to see, Sister Julienne, please." She saw a look of anger and hurt flash over Sister Evangelina's face. She moved forward, and slipped by her, then quickly moved towards Sister Julienne's office.

"Come in!" She was sitting behind the desk, biscuits and a teapot on her desk. "Please do sit."

Shelagh sat in the indicated chair, and Sister Julienne poured the tea into the two cups.

"I want to apologise for the way I treated you. After you came back to tell everyone else, I'd still not come to terms with your decision. I was upset, and I didn't know how to react. I closed myself off to you, and was selfish, when I should have been supporting and defending you. I'm so sorry Shelagh. I know what I've done isn't forgivable. I don't expect you to. I want you to know that I've dearly missed you, and that I-...thank you for letting me say that."

"I forgive you." Shelagh replied immediately, "I've missed you so much, Sister. I've been trying to blend into the community, but I'm afraid I'm not very good at it. There's so much I wanted to say to you and I..I apologise for not coming to talk to you sooner."

Sister Julienne looked up in surprise. "You forgive me?" "Yes. I should've waited a bit before I told the others."

"I've missed you so much, my dear child. I'm so proud of who you've become!" They stood at the same time and moved to hug each other, only this time neither of them cut it short.

"I love you, mother." Shelagh whispered, slightly nervous of her reaction. "I love you, daughter."

Later when Trixie walked past, and noticed the door to Sister Julienne's office slightly open, she found the two of them talking animatedly, sitting side by side. She smiled, and pulled the door fully shut before moving on.

**Part 12.**

A few more months passed before Shelagh and Patrick announced their relationship. He had proposed to her and she had said yes. There were barely any weeks left until the wedding day, and Shelagh had become familiar with the feeling of excitement that seemed to be with her almost everyday.

Shelagh, Patrick, Amalie and Thomas had been invited to lunch at Nonnatus House. They had all eaten together before a few of the nurses had been called away with some of their patients. Only Sister Julienne, Sister Evangelina, Sister Monica-Joan, Cynthia and Trixie remained. They were sitting in the sitting room, with tea and biscuits.

They chatted awhile, and Trixie left briefly when there was a knock at the door. It was Sergeant Noakes.

"Can I speak to Miss Mannion and Mrs Grant please?" The two followed him into another room whilst the others all wondered what was happening. They came back a few minutes later, and Peter Noakes told them he would be back tomorrow.

The two women looked slightly upset as they re-entered the room. "What was it about?" Trixie asked.

"The police in Scotland are reopening our fathers murder investigation." Amalie answered, shock evident on her face.

"Murder investigation?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry I never knew!" Trixie exclaimed.

"Oh Shelagh, why're they bringing it back up?"

"Because they finally believe what I told them all those years ago." Shelagh replied, her voice becoming colourless.

"What happened?" Cynthia asked.

"It's not a short story." Shelagh replied.

"We'd like to hear it, if you're willing to share."

"To explain what happened to our father, I'll have to tell you about what happened to Dymphna and Moira...and our mother." She paused and then took a big breath. "When I was seven our mother got muscular-skeletal tuberculosis. She was bedridden from months, before she passed away."

><> ><> <>< <><

_There was a kind looking lady talking with her father. She could see that he was crying. 'Why is daddy crying?' She asked herself. She'd thought that adults never cried. She crept forward from her hiding place. "What's wrong, father?"_

_"Oh, my wee Shelagh." Her father sobbed._

_After that she was told that her mother had passed in the night. Amalie had cried in confusion, and her father had weeped. Shelagh tried to cheer them up. She had tried to make her father coffee that was too bitter, and her sister porridge like their mother used to, but it was to thick. Dymphna came back over and began to help around the house. She told Shelagh that it was okay, and that her father knew that she was trying._

_Soon enough their father had had to go back to work, and Shelagh and Amalie had found themselves staying regularly with Dymphna and her little boy David. Shelagh and David used to play games in the garden whilst Amalie and Dymphna baked in the kitchen. The two children would come in laughing, and steal biscuits or a fresh slice of cake. Dymphna would fondly tell them off, before making them all warm milk._

_When Shelagh was ten, Dymphna fell pregnant and had a little girl. She called the baby Moira, and Shelagh held a baby for the first time. Amalie, now the right age of four, started to play in the playroom by herself, and David no longer wanted to play with girls, so Shelagh used to play with Moira. She'd play with her, and tickle her and help put her to bed. She loved it so much, and Dymphna often found herself being asked about children and childbirth. Shelagh was simply amazed. She never asked her father about it, because the first time she did, he'd burst into tears._

_The girls stayed with their father in the evenings and often stayed with Dymphna during the day. When Shelagh got her first boyfriend, Dymphna helped her choose a dress to wear to their date and when that boyfriend split up with her, Dymphna was there with a cup of Horlicks and a hug._

_Soon Shelagh began to take care of Moira, while Dymphna worked in the garden, or did the housework. Shelagh was besotted with little Moira, who looked up to Shelagh. When Moira was seven, Shelagh began to teach her about the things she learnt at church and school. She'd explain about who God was and then tell her about the miracle of babies._

_One day when Shelagh was just turned seventeen, she was playing with Moira in her room. David was working, Amalie was at home with their father and Dymphna's husband were also working._

_"Shelagh, love, I'm just heading to the shops to get some milk. Will you be okay with Moira?" "Of course, Dymphna!" They heard the door close and they smiled._

_"Do you want to play hide and seek, Shelagh?" Moira asked with a giggle, "We can play in the whole house!"_

_"Go on, you hide! Ten, nine, eight..." Moira ran to her room and wedged herself under her bed. Shelagh began to move loudly around the house. She'd heard the girl giggle, and knew she was hiding in her room. She moved towards the room and walked in._

_Neither of girls noticed the smoke, or the small fire that had sprung from the kitchen._

_"Where could that girl be?" Shelagh asked herself loudly, "Is she....behind the door?!" She whipped the door closed to be greeted by an empty space, and another giggle. She moved across the room, "Perhaps she's in the cupboard!" Just clothing this time. "Hmm...Maybe she's hiding with Bonnie Bear!"_

_At this point in time the fire had spread further through the house, and the smell of smoke filled Shelagh's nose. She recognised the smell and a small swell of panic moved through her. She quickly moved to the bed, and knelt down. "Found you!" The girl squirmed slightly. "Come on you, we need to go."_

_Moira began to wiggle trying to move out from her hiding spot. "Shelagh, I'm stuck!"  
_

_"Give me your hand." She clenched the little girl's hand, and the two struggled to move her. "Shelagh!" She sensed panic in the girls voice._

_"Don't worry, Moira. I'll be back in just a second." She stood and quickly moved to the door. She reached for the handle and found it jammed. As much as she fought desperately with it, it wouldn't budge. She moved quickly, and grabbed a blanket to stem the smoke that had begun to pool under the door. The room was palpably warm, and Shelagh felt fear shadowing her. She moved back to Moira and began to pull at her more desperately, "Ouch! That hurt!"_

_"I'm sorry, my wee Moira." She was really scared now. "Can you move onto your back?"_

_She watched as Moira began to wriggle and squirm, but her position didn't change. "Shelagh I'm scared!" Moira had started crying now, and Shelagh felt close to tears herself._

_"Just keep calm, we're going to be alright." She felt the smoke burning her lungs, and she felt sick. She moved onto her stomach and tried to move Moira's body into a position where she wouldn't be stuck. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." She muttered quickly to herself. "Sing with me, Moira." She wasn't only trying to distract Moira from the impending doom._

_"O come, Thou Key of David, come, _

_And open wide our heavenly home; _

_Make safe the way that leads on high, _

_And close the path to misery._

_R_ _ejoice! Rejoice! Emmanuel Shall come to thee, O Israel." _

_"I'm coming! Don't worry!" Shelagh felt her heart rise at the sound of Dymphna's voice. Suddenly the door was busted open._

_"Mummy! I'm struck!"_

_"I'm coming, my brave bairne. I'm going to help Shelagh then I'll help you." She grabbed Shelagh's arm and dragged her out of the room and down the hall. She smashed the window open and chucked her jacket on the sill. "Go through!" She pushed her through the window. Shelagh felt her arm snap as she landed. She leaped up, and tried foolishly to climb back into the house. "Moira! Dymphna!" She was sobbing now. She fought violently against the fireman who dragged her away from the house. She was kicking and screaming and crying._

_"Give her a sedative!" She heard before the needle was injected into her arm._

><> ><> <>< <><

Shelagh paused in her narrative.

"What happened to Moira and Dymphna?"

"The roof collapsed, and Moira got trapped under the bed. Dymphna died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital."

><> ><> <>< <><

_She was admitted to a week in hospital for shock, smoke inhalation, her broken arm and the cut in her side she got from landing on jagged glass. It was her fifth day in the hospital. The police had questioned her the day before, and she was still exhausted. David came into her room._

_"Oh, David, I'm so sorry!" She gasped as he entered. "I tried so hard to help them!"_

_"Ya didn't try hard enough!" She saw anger on his face like she had never seen before. His fists were clenched, and looked like he was barely holding himself back._

_"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know what to do I-"_

_"You killed my mother and me wee sister!" He'd moved closer, and she began to cry._

_"Please, I'm sorry." She whispered._

_"I'll never forgive you for this, Shelagh Mannion. God'll never forgive you."_

_"Excuse me, sir." It was one of the nurses, "Visiting time has just ended." She looked to Shelagh, and noticed that she had been crying, "You are distressing the patient, please leave now sir."_

_"I'll get you for this." He said before turning back to the nurse. "I won't hesitate to call security, sir, please leave."_

_Shelagh's father picked her up from the station, and life went on. She didn't see David at all for weeks. She heard from her friends that he had been seeing some strange people and that he had _ _been asking the police obsessively about what had happened._

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_She was returning from school. It was a brisk day, and she had a scarf wrapped warmly around her neck. She walked home, and entered the farm. She smiled at their old dog Sorcha who moved forward to greet her._

_"Hello, Sorcha. Shall we go and find father now?" Sorcha's tail dropped slightly, but she still followed Shelagh to the door. It was slightly open when she reached it. "Silly bugger, his memory must be going!" She smiled fondly and gave the door a little push. "Father! You left the door open!"_

_The smell hit her nose rapidly. She didn't know what it was, but she knew it meant something bad. A fly flew past her head, and she nervously moved further into the house. "Father?" Sorcha whined, before nuzzling her leg. "What is it, Sorcha?" The dog led her through to their small lounge room, where she saw her father sitting, a paper in hand. "There you are Father!" She walked towards him, "Why didn't you-" She was cut off by a loud scream. She briefly wondered where it was coming from, and why her throat felt raw._

_Her father's head was covered in dry blood. His face was almost a purply colour and his scull was clearly smashed._

_She realised then that it was her screaming. She ran from the room, and out of the farm. She fell onto the ground in front of the cross in the church. She was sobbing and the Sister that came to help her didn't understand what was happening._

_The police inquiry afterwards was traumatising for both sisters. They questioned the two girls vigorously and the local villagers. Shelagh and Amalie stayed locally with Fenella Blackwood. She fed them well, and helped them to school. She had no children herself and lived by herself working locally at a flower shop._

_"Shelagh, my dear, I think Sorcha is outside. Would you mind fetching her in for dinner?"_

_"Of course, Fenella. I'll be back in a minute." She stood from her drawing, and moved to the door. It was dark outside, but the weather had begun to warm slightly. She walked onto the soft _ _grass out side, "Sorcha!" Her eyes began to adjust and she moved further into the garden. "Sorcha! Come here girl!" She heard a small whimper and walked quickly towards the sound._

_She found Sorcha on her side at the back of the garden, a gash bleeding heavily from her side. "Sorcha!" She pulled her cardigan off and applied pressure gently to the wound. "What happened, old girl?"_

_"You murdering bitch." She jumped back, and saw David standing standing with a bloody pocket knife._

_"You hurt her!"_

_"An' you killed my little sister and me mother."_

_"The fire killed them! Not me!" He moved closer, "Please...You're scaring me!"_

_"You deserve to be punished!" He dropped the knife and delivered a swift slap to her face, before punching her near her neck._

_"Shelagh! Dinners ready. Have you found Sorcha?" It was Fenella._

_David swiftly picked up the knife and held it towards Sorcha, "Tell 'er you're coming."_

_She swallowed, "Yes, Fenella. She must have hurt herself on a branch. I'll be up in a minute."_

_"Don't stay out long, Shelagh."_

_David glared at her before moving off with the knife, and Shelagh let out her breath. She moved towards Sorcha, and lifted her as gently as she could into her arms._

_When Fenella took her to the police a day or so later, and told them how she attained the bruise on her cheek and shoulder, and how Sorcha had gotten the gash they didn't believe her. "She's just_ _been through major trauma. She's probably is making up delusions so that she won't blame herself."_

><> ><> <>< <><

_  
_"Shelagh...That's how Sorcha got the gash? You told me she'd slipped and landed on glass, like you did."

"You were eleven, Amalie. I couldn't tell you." "Why didn't they believe what you said?"

"David was always a kind boy. He was top of the class, until Dymphna died. He even helped the police a few times. I, however, was the daughter of a poorish farmer, who was seen as vulnerable and traumatised. Who do you think they're going to believe?"

"What happened after the inquest?" Trixie asked.

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_"Have you got all of your things, Shelagh?" Fenella asked. _

_"_ _Yes."_

_"If you ever need somewhere to stay, you know where to write." Fenella said, giving the girl a small hug. "Mr Payne has kindly offered to give you a lift to the station. Will you be alright to get tickets and get onto the train?"_

_"Yes, Fenella." Shelagh replied obediently.  
_

_"Your Aunt Mairi McCroft said she'll collect you from the station."_

_"Of course, Fenella." She gave Fenella a small smile, "We'll be fine. Thank you, Fenella. For everything." They heard the car pull up and moved towards the door._

_"I don't want to leave Sorcha!"_

_"We have to. Have you got Eddy Teddy?" She asked, as she lifted both her case and Amalie's._

_"Yes."_

_"Come on then, you! We get to go on an adventure, together." She took a deep breath and moved to the car._

_They reached the station and quickly boarded the train. Shelagh let Amalie sit at the window, and took the isle seat for herself. "Come on, Amalie, have a little sleep. It's going to be a long trip." She pulled her sister into her arms, and watched her fall asleep._

_Mairi McCroft was waiting at the station, just as she had said. She helped to carry Amalie's heavy case, and led the two girls to a taxi. "You must be tired from the trip, you poor things." They slipped into the car, and Amalie fell asleep again._

_Mairi had set up a room for the two girls to share, stating that they'd lost enough already. During the time they stayed at Mairi's house they found themselves becoming extremely close._

_It was late one day, and Shelagh had just been to see an orchestra play. She was still on a high from the music, and the people. She walked down the street that her aunt lived on and smiled. _ _She was humming to herself as she walked._

_Then she heard a rustle behind her. She paused. Nothing. She began to move quicker and more cautiously. There it was again. She spun around and spied someone lurking in the shadows._

_"Whoever you are, I know you're there and I won't hesitate to call for help."_

_"And if you do, you'll find poor little Amalie just like ya found ya father." She recognised the voice, and gasped. David Kithope. He had followed her here. How had he found them? Why was he here?_

_"Don't hurt her!"_

_"You deserve such punishment, Shelagh Mannion. You deserve to go ta hell, but not 'til you've been properly punished on Earth." He moved quickly towards her from the shadows. She tried to scream, but fear held her vocal cords. He was so close, and the pain was so intense._

><> ><> <>< <><

"I'd...I'd rather not talk about what happened then." Shelagh said, her body tense.

"Did you stay with your aunt long?"

"No. It wasn't safe to. David cornered me many times, and I couldn't go to the police in fear that they wouldn't believe me or that David would go for Amalie."

"Surely you told your aunt."

"No, I was scared and I didn't know what to do."

><> ><> <>< <><

_Everywhere hurt, and she knew it was time. Over the last few weeks she had been slowly packing both her own and Amalie's things. It was late, and her aunt was in bed. "Amalie, we have somewhere we have to go."_

_"Hmph, why Shelagh?" She watched Amalie wipe sleep from her eyes.  
_

_"Because we aren't safe here. Get dressed." She herself began to rug up, wearing multiple layers._

_"But Aunt Mairi was taking care of us." Shelagh moved to Amalie and helped her to dress. They moved and grabbed their bags. They snuck out the back of the building. Amalie clutched Shelagh's arm, as they moved swiftly through the dark. At about one in the morning, Shelagh felt Amalie slowing, and knew they needed to stop somewhere and rest. She spotted a church. It's doors were open, and it looked empty. It was perfect._

_"We're going to sleep here, Amalie." She led the girl into the church, and helped her lay on the carpet at the very front of the church. Amalie fell asleep quickly. Shelagh, however remained wide awake, fearful eyes flicking around the church and towards the doorway._

_The sun rose early, and Shelagh woke Amalie a bit before six. They had some plain bread, that she had taken a couple of days earlier. "Come on wee one, we need to get moving." They continued on and soon found themselves closer to the city._

_"Where are we going, Shelagh?"_

_"Somewhere safe. Are you hungry?" Amalie nodded and they stopped and had some more bread and some water._

_"We'll need to change our names, so Aunt Mairi can't find us." _

_"Can I choose?"  
_

_"Yes, just...just keep the same initials." Shelagh stuttered. _

_"I'm going to call myself...Annette Merle!"_

_"That's lovely...Anette."_

_"What're you going to call yourself, Shelagh?"_

_"I haven't decided yet. Let's keep moving."_

_"Why do we have to leave Shelagh?" How could she explain? Amalie wouldn't understand what danger she was in._

_"It's not safe. Come on you, we're nearly there." They reached her destination. The street wasn't busy, and the houses looked nice._

_She stopped and checked on one of the houses. "Do you like the look of that house?" "It's very nice...why?"  
_

_"Would you like living there?"  
_

_"I suppose...if the people were nice."_

_"They are. There's a mum, Helen Alison. She doesn't have any children of her own. But she has a very nice husband called Kenneth and they very much want a child."_

_"Are we going to go and live with them?"_

_"Yes, yes." 'You are' she finished in her head. They spent the day exploring the town and when it was fully dark they headed back to the house._

_"It's time now. Let's go. You aren't safe with me anymore."  
_

_"Lets go Shelagh!" She could see some excitement on her face._

_"Go and knock on the door for me, wee one. I'll be over in a second. I'm just grabbing our bags." Amalie nervously moved forward, and looked back at Shelagh. She gave her an encouraging nod, and bent down and picked up her luggage. She watched as Amalie knocked on the door. She pretended to walk towards Amalie as she looked to the side, and she ducked behind some trees at the last second._

_The door was open and Helen stood there. "Hello, little Miss, how can I help you?"_

_"My sister and I..." Her heart fell and she saw Amalie look to where she had been standing. The only thing there now was her sister's luggage. "Shelagh!" Amalie ran to where she had been standing and tears fell rapidly down her face. "Shelagh!"_

_Helen walked to where Amalie was standing in tears. "What has happened, my dear?"_

_"She's gone! She said we were to live-live with you and-...Shelaaaagh!" She began to cry herself as she heard her sister wail. Helen brought the young girl and her luggage inside. Shelagh _ _stayed for a near half-hour afterwards, before she turned and wandered numbly through an alley way._

><> ><> <>< <><

Both girls were crying now. "I'm so sorry, Amalie." Helen had arrived, and it seemed that she had caught the tail end of the story. "Mum!"

"Hello, my dear. Shelagh, is that really why you left Amalie there?"

"Yes! I swear I-..." She broke off, " I was so afraid that David would harm her...He was already threatening her. I knew she couldn't stay with me. I was so young, I knew nothing of the world...I'd...I'm sorry about this, but I'd spotted you and Kenneth one time after an orchestral concert. I'd heard you talking about how desperately you wanted a child, but couldn't have one...Later when I realised that I had to run, and that Amalie wasn't safe with me...well I remembered you. I skipped school one day, and was searching for places...I came across your house, and it seemed so perfect for Amalie. I'm sorry."

"No. No, my dear, I'm glad for what you did. You saved Amalie..But you should have saved yourself too. We could have helped you too." Helen was crying as well now. She hugged both girls, before Thomas, Helen and Amalie had to leave to get home on time.

The other nurses and sisters gave her a small hug, and then left. Sister Julienne gave Shelagh a long hug before leaving the room.

"Oh, Shelagh." Patrick sighed, standing and pulling her to him. "I'm so proud of you for sharing this." She was snivelling softly. "Let's get you home, you've had a long day." The two rose, and Patrick guided her to his car. 

**Part 13.**

It was a few days later before Shelagh was back at Nonnatus house again. She had gotten sidetracked by her wedding plans. It was was the same people, and they had invited Amalie once more.

They had a small lunch before having tea in the sitting room.

"Shelagh, you have to tell us what happened next!" Trixie exclaimed, "I mean, if you feel all right to."

"Of course...but I've never really shared this before so you'll have to bear with me. Amalie hasn't heard this before either."

Amalie nodded and sat closer to her sister.

><> ><> <>< <><

_The next morning, Shelagh ate a small morsel of bread, before going to check on Amalie. She saw Helen, Kenneth and Amalie driving, and when they came back the two now parents were smiling._

_"Are you happy to live with us, Annette?" _

_"Yes, Helen...but I want my sister too..."_

_Over the next few days, Shelagh went and checked on her sister everyday, many times. Until she knew her sister was in safe hands. It was so hard to leave. She cried fresh tears before tearing herself away. She walked for days, until she ran out of food. She had a destination in mind. When she was younger, Sister Margret-Rose had told her about a couple of mother-houses. One of them she had mentioned was in Chichester. She took a bus, and then walked the rest of the way. It was midday when she arrived and she was scared._

_She knocked on the door nervously. There was a short wait before the door was opened by a kind looking woman in a habit, "Hello! How can I help you?"_

_"I'm...I'm here to see the Sister in charge." _

_"Do you have an appointment?" _

_"No-no-...I..."  
_

_"Don't worry, can I have your name?" _

_"Sally McTarin."_

_"Well, Miss McTarin, my name is Sister Felicity-Mary. Follow me, I'll take you to Mother Jesu- Emmanuel's office."_

_"Thank you." Sister Felicity-Mary led her through the corridors before they finally came to the right door. She knocked and then waited._

_"Come in!"_

_"I'll just explain to her, wait here." Shelagh waited tensely outside, before she was let in._

_"How can I be of help, Miss McTarin?"_

_"I'd like to join the order, if I may." This was discussed before they came to arrangements._

_"You will officially join, tomorrow afternoon."_

_"I have no where to stay."_

_"You will stay at the convent then." Sister Felicity-Mary._

_That night Shelagh slept at the convent, greatly anticipating the next day. The ceremony was quiet and quick and she entered her postulancy at the same time as two other girls._

_"Sisters, we have four more Sisters joining us today. Sister Florian," A tall girl moved forward, "Sister Madeline," An older looking woman moved forward, "and Sister Bernadette." Shelagh moved forward nervously, at the sound of her new name. "Our other Sister will be joining us tomorrow."_

_Sister Felicity-Mary stayed with Shelagh through dinner and handy-crafts time and only left her for the great silence._

_Shelagh was woken early, and got out of bed quickly for Lauds. She found peace in silence and her praying._

_At lunch time Mother Jesu-Emmanuel requested conference with her. "We need to fill out your forms, the things about family and so on."_

_"Yes, mother."  
_

_"What family have you, Sister?"  
_

_"Both my parents have passed, and I have no siblings. I have an Aunt, who lives in Kent." "Does she know of your vocation?"  
_

_"No, I am not in contact with her."  
_

_"Of course, Sister. You may return to your studies now, Sister."_

_The nightmares started when the other Sister arrived. Her chosen name was Sister Dymphna, and Sister Bernadette struggled to cope. She began to sleep restlessly, only to be disturbed by nightmares that would have her waking up screaming and crying. Sister Felicity-Mary often went to calm her during the night. She became quite close to Sister Bernadette, and tried the best she could to help her._

_It had been a couple of months, and Sister Bernadette had learnt the routine. Sister Dymphna and Sister Madeline remained, Sister Florian had left after the first month. Sister Bernadette and Sister Felicity-Mary were walking around the gardens together. It was a warm day, and they were having a stretch before returning to chapel._

_They had neared the edge of the garden and were just turning around, when Sister Bernadette caught movement at the edge of her eye. She whipped around, and that's when she saw him. She began to shake._

_"Sister, what is the matter?"  
_

_"May we go inside please, Sister."_

_"Of course." Sister Felicity-Mary led Sister Bernadette quickly towards the chapel, and straight to her room._

_"Sister...I think I need to move...my past, it's catching up with me, and I'm so afraid." Fresh tears slipped down her cheeks, and Sister Felicity-Mary came to a decision. "I will speak to Mother Jesu- Emmaunel right away._

_"Thank you, Sister."_

_It was soon decided that Sister Bernadette would travel to Poplar to stay at Nonnatus House in a week. She packed her things, and hoped she would finally escape. She had heard some of the other nuns talking about a strange man they had seen outside, and she was even more afraid._

_The day came and Sister Felicity-Mary accompanied her by bus to Nonnatus House. The two stood at the door, and Sister Bernadette was a ball of nervous energy. "They're all very nice here, Sister. The Sister in charge is very kind, I think you'll like her very much."_

_The door was opened by an elderly looking nun. "Hello?"_

_"Hello, Sister Monica Joan. We're here to see Sister Julienne." _

_"Come in then. Who are you, my dear?"_

_"This is Sister Bernadette." They followed Sister Monica Joan down the corridor. Sister Bernadette, stayed slightly behind Sister Felicity-Mary, as if she was a shield. They reached an office and Sister Monica Joan knocked on the door._

_"Come in!" Sister Monica Joan opened the door, and held it open for Sister Felicity-Mary and Sister Berndette through._

_"Hello, Sister Julienne!"  
_

_"Sister Felicity-Mary! It has been too long!" Sister Felicity-Mary moved towards the other nun.  
_

_"It has. Oh, how rude of me! This is Sister Bernadette, the girl Mother Jesu-Emmanuel spoke of?" "Of course. Hello, Sister."  
_

_"Hello, Sister Julienne." Sister Bernadette replied nervously.  
_

_"Welcome to Nonnatus House, Sister Bernadette."_

><> ><> <>< <><

"You were very quiet that day, my dear. I remember it well." Sister Julienne interrupted with a fond smile.

"You were very kind to me though. Especially those first few nights."

><> ><> <>< <><

_She'd had a nightmare about him finding her again. She sat up in bed, tears slipping from her eyes, her breath laboured._

_The door squealed open and Sister Julienne entered._

_"What is troubling you, dear Sister?" Sister Julienne asked coming to sit on the edge of her bed. A hand went to Sister Bernadette's back and rubbed comforting circles._

_"I- Oh, Sister I was so afraid. I couldn't protect her and oh I couldn't stop him." She began to cry again._

_"Who couldn't you protect?"  
_

_"Amalie! Oh my poor Amalie." She sobbed uncontrollably.  
_

_"What happened to her, Sister Bernadette?" Sister Julienne asked. "Oh Sister, I couldn't say."  
_

_"Sister, is someone threatening you?"  
_

_"Not anymore." She gasped, averting her eyes from Sister Julienne. "Tell me." She asked softly._

_"I'm scared to, Sister. I think I will one day. I just can't right now, I'm so scared-..." She cut herself off with a sob. Sister Julienne pulled Sister Bernadette into a gentle embrace. She felt safer in her arms. Her breathing began to slow, and she felt protected for the first time in years._

_She began to have nightmares every couple of nights, and Sister Julienne was nearly always there to help her and comfort her. She felt herself begin to fit in. Especially when two new nurses appeared to replace the old ones._

_"Greetings, welcome to Nonnatus House, I'm Sister Bernadette." _

_"_ _Trixie Franklin! Pleased to meet you!"  
_

_"My name is Cynthia Miller."  
_

_"It's very nice to meet you both!"_

_The nightmares slowly began to fade. The time between each nightmare grew, and Sister Bernadette found herself leaving her postulancy with more confidence and knowledge. She was a proper midwife now, and was even considered senior. Jenny Lee arrived and Sister Clement passed away._

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_It had been four years since she had arrived at Chichester when the news reached her. It brought back the memories like a bottle smashing. She became sad, frightened and angry all at once. She knew what had happened. She tried to explain it but no one would listen to her._

_"What's wrong, my dear? You've been so withdrawn."_

_"Sister Felicity-Mary is dead and I think I know who killed her, but no one believes me."_

_"I believe you."_

_"Thank you, Sister."_

_"That's not all is it?" Sister Julienne responded knowingly_

_"She's dead because of me-"_

_"No. Sister Bernadette this is not your fault. Who knows why these things happen. This isn't your fault at all."_

_"Oh, Sister Julienne, I wish I could believe that."_

_She reconciled with God, and tried to forgive herself. She still asked herself whether it was her fault that Dymphna and Moira had died, but she knew it was her fault that Sister Felicity-Mary had died. She tried not to think about it too much._

_A few years passed, and no more reminders of her past arose. She was confident once more, and soon fully joined the order._

_She found peace, tranquility and happiness in the religious life and her job. She had been called to Mrs Stainthorpe's home to help her give birth. The birth went smoothly, and the new parent _ _both cried tears of joy. She left into the early morning light with a feeling of joy and confidence. She decided to walk with her bicycle beside her. The air was warm, and the streets were silent._

_She began to sing softly as she walked. She was so absorbed in what she was doing that she didn't hear the quiet footsteps that approached her or the quiet breaths. It wasn't until she felt herself yanked into a laneway that she noticed his presence. She screamed, but a hand muffled her mouth. She fell to the ground when he punched her in the gut. The pain bought fresh tears to her eyes, and she struggled on the ground._

_He continued to hurt her for sometime, before suddenly stopping. "You'll tell no one."_

_"What's to stop me? I know what you did to Sister Felicity-Mary!"_

_"Because I know where you 'id (hid) little Amalie. And I won't 'esitate to do what I did to your father."_

_"Why're you doing this?"_

_"Because you deserve the worst, for what you did to my mother an' me wee bairn sister! An' if I 'ear of anyone finding out tha' it was me doin' this to you, ya sista won't last the night."_

_He walked away after that, and she struggled to stand. She stumbled to her bicycle, and somehow managed to stagger back to Nonnatus House. The next day she told Sister Julienne, with considerable difficulty, that she had tripped on the stairs on her way back from Mrs Stainthorpe's house. This was the first time she had ever lied to Sister Julienne. That day she spent resting and repenting to God._

_It was only a couple of weeks before David jumped her after a birth again. This time he aimed for her arms and her back. She put up with the pain this time, knowing that she couldn't bear to lie to Sister Julienne again._

_She began to walk more cautiously at night after births, and almost considered requesting to not be on call at nights, before realising she would have to explain why. She began to feel guilt eating away at her, and knew that she had to let him punish her. Soon it was almost every week that she would spot him hiding in an alleyway and know that she had to go to him. She began to take ointments from the clinic to use on the bruises she gained and on her days off she would travel by bus to buy gauze if she needed it._

_She simply accepted her fate. He affirmed what she thought every time she saw him. And each time she saw him she became more convinced. It came to a stage where he needn't grab her, she would simply go to him when he arrived, and take his punishments with a blank face, and barely any tears._

_><> ><> <>< <><_

_Doctor Turner and Sister Bernadette exited the building after a trying birth. The baby had died, and the parents were devastated. The mother had been extremely unwell and had had to be taken away by ambulance._

_They walked silently to where both the car and bicycle were parked. "Please, let me give you a lift back to Nonnatus." Doctor Turner offered._

_She desperately wanted to say yes. Her back hurt, and her heart was heavy and she wanted nothing more than to get into bed and sleep away the tragedy. That was until she saw someone _ _standing in an alleyway behind him. David. And she knew she had to go._

_"No thank you, Doctor." She answered quickly, before she could change her mind._

_"Sister, I can't bear the thought of you riding the long way back at this time of night after what we have seen." David was becoming impatient, and that scared her. What if this made him go to Amalie?_

_"I couldn't put you to the trouble of it, Doctor-" He interrupted, "It's no trouble."_

_She thought quickly, all her excuses running from her mind, "I think the ride back would help clear my head." She settled on._

_"At least let me give you a lift to the Redmonton Flats." "No, it's quite alright, Doctor. I'll keep you no longer."_

_She'd quickly gotten onto her bicycle and rode away, before he had any chance of saying anything else. She was around the block in minutes, and being hurt seconds later._

_It was a short week before he'd turned up again. She'd just finished helping Mrs Endicott with her birth. He'd turned up, and she'd left the alley with a fresh set of bruises. The next morning _ _when Sister Julienne arrived she'd spotted them. They covered her neck, and her head was bleeding from when it had been slammed against the wall._

><> ><> <>< <><

"You know the rest." Shelagh finished, not looking at anyone in the room.

"Was that the morning that you disappeared?" Sister Julienne asked.

"Yes, it was." Shelagh replied, fiddling with her fingers.

"What happened?"

"I went back to Nonnatus House after my examination. I was afraid, I thought that you would work it out. I knew that I had to get away, I was scared that he might go for Amalie if he knew I'd let someone know. I saw Sister Evangelina when I arrived, and told her I would go to Sister Julienne's office. Instead I went to my room...A couple of weeks ago I took some of the clothes from the charity box. I put them on and packed a bag. I managed to get out of Nonnatus House without bumping into anyone, but I saw Fred on the way out." 

><> ><> <>< <><

_In the garden she saw Fred and pulled her glasses off quickly. Everything was very blurry, but she could just about make things out._

_"Oh, 'allo there!" He called politely as Sister Bernadette passed, not recognising her with no glasses or wimple._

_"Hello." She replied, softly with a smile, before quickly moving along before he had the chance to say anything else. 'Phew.' She thought._

"I knew his address, so that's where I went." Shelagh explained, her voice becoming wobbly, "And that's where I stayed until you found me."

There was a small silence. "Well, I think we could all use a cup of tea or Horlicks. Come on Shelagh, let's make them together." Sister Evangelina said rising. Shelagh nervously followed her out the room. "Here, put the kettle on for me."

Shelagh filled the kettle before putting the heat on. "I wanted to apologise to you, Shelagh. I didn't understand why you were leaving the order, or that you had kept your faith. But I can see how happy you are now, and I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you, Sister, that means a lot to me."

Shelagh and Amalie were contacted only days after Shelagh had finished telling her story. It was finally legally acknowledged that their father had been killed by David Kithope. A few days past this the court case closed and David received a sentence for a prolonged time in a mental institutional prison.

**Part 14.**

Trixie painted Shelagh's nails, while Cynthia curled her hair. Chummy sat in the corner fussing with Freddy, and Jenny was getting her make up ready.

"Thank you all for this." Shelagh said smiling. "It means so much to me!"

"Where else would we be!" Trixie replied, finishing with the nail polish. "We'd better get started on your makeup!"

"Sorry I'm late, Shelagh! I got a bit of morning sickness this morning." Amalie said as she entered the room.

"I'm glad you're here."

"How're you feeling?"

"Close your eyes for me, Shelagh." Trixie said as she applied the makeup.

"Very nervous, but very excited too."

_"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." _Amalie responded with a smile, "I'm so happy for you!"

"Mascara time. Blink for me."

"I forgot how confusing makeup was!" Shelagh exclaimed.

><> ><> <>< <><

"Have you got the rings, Tim?" Patrick asked as he moved quickly around the house.

"Yes, dad. Calm down! Are you nervous?"

"Don't laugh at me, Timothy, this'll be you soon."

"Not that soon!" Timothy replied.

"I don't think I'll cope! Come on, I suppose we better be going....Do I look okay?"

"I don't think Mum would mind anyway!" Timothy gave a cheeky smile. "Did you just call-?"

"I asked her on Friday, and she said that it was okay...is it okay, Dad? She not replacing Mummy or anything, but..." He trailed off.

"I'm happy for you, Tim. I'm so proud of you, you know? You're so mature now, and you're growing up so fast!"

"Let's go, before you get all sentimental." Patrick gave a laugh.

><> ><> <>< <><

She was in her gown and they had just arrived at the church. Sister Julienne met them when they arrived, and Trixie announced that the bridesmaids had to have a quick meeting in the other room, leaving Sister Julienne and Shelagh alone.

"Well my dear, how do you feel?"

"Oh, Sister, I'm so excited, yet...also scared."

"You needn't be afraid, my dear daughter. Both Patrick and Timothy love you dearly, and you are going to where God wants you to be. You have been so happy these past weeks, I can see that. You'll be even happier living with Patrick. I'm so proud of you, my dear dear Shelagh." Shelagh threw herself into Sister Julienne's arms.

"Thank you, mother." She whispered, "Thank you for being here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

"You should be walking me down the aisle." Shelagh said, pulling back and smiling.

"No, you are your own person. And you know where you are going."

"It's time!" Trixie said, stepping in with a smile.

_"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." _Shelagh whispered, taking a deep breath.

"Are you ready?" Jenny asked with a smile.

"Yes." Shelagh replied with certainty.

"Here are your flowers, my dear. You look so beautiful. You all do." Sister Julienne smiled as she handed the flowers to Shelagh. "And it begins." Sister Julienne smiled, before hurrying to sit with Sister Evangelina.

The music began to play, and the four bridesmaids walked in smiling, before Shelagh came in. Everyone was smiling, and they said 'I do.'

"If anyone asks, I'm not crying, I have a cold." Sister Evangelina told Sister Julienne. "We both have that cold, Sister. I'm so happy."

**THE END. **

_Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be open to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened."(Mathew 7:7 and 7:8)_

_Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” 10 So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: John 1:9-10_

_“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10)._

_"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”  
—Psalm 23:4_

_“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27_

_"If a man divorces his wife and she leaves him and marries another man, should he return to her again? Would not the land be completely defiled?" Jeremiah 3:1_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Optional Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an optional epilogue for those who were wondering how Shelagh dealt with what she went through and what happened to David after he went to jail. Enjoy!

**Optional epilogue.**

It was Moira's birthday. Shelagh awoke and felt dread pool in her stomach. It was early, and Patrick was still asleep beside her. She slipped out of bed as quietly as she could, trying not to wake him. She got dressed quickly, and grabbed her shoes. She tip-toed down the stairs and out the door before slipping her shoes on. It was late morning on a weekend. She moved quickly to the bus stop, before paying her fare and sitting in a seat at the back.

The journey was longish and she was nervously fiddling with her fingers as her stop arrived. She exited the bus quickly, and thanked the driver. She stepped out of the bus and walked briskly towards the building. She was admitted, when she told them who she was.

"And you're a relation?"

"No...a friend."

"He hasn't had any visitors since he arrived. Are you sure you want to visit this man? He has a reputation of violence...to young women such as yourself."

"Yes. Please, I need to speak with him."

"What's your name?"

"Moira, Moira Mannion." She replied.

"Well, your name isn't on the restraining order list, come on through, Ms Mannion."

Shelagh followed the woman down the dirty hallway till she reached a room. "Please sit. I will go and see whether Mr Kithope is ready for visitors. You won't be able to stay long though, I expect he is due for electric-shock therapy soon." The woman left the room and Shelagh sat down in the chair nearest the door. The room was white like it would cleanse its patients of their insanity. The walls were bare, and the chairs plain. She was shaking slightly, and she felt sick to the stomach.

"This way, Mr Kithope." She heard footsteps approaching the room, and she bit on her lip hard.

"Take a seat, Mr Kithope. That one'll do." The nurse said as she guided David into the seat. "You have about ten minutes before Mr Kithope needs to be prepped for therapy. I'll be in the next room if you need me."

Shelagh nodded and watched as the nurse left. They sat in silence for nearly a minute. "What're ya doin' 'ere Shelagh an why'd you tell 'em you were Moira?"

"They wouldn't admit me if I told them who I was. There's a restraining order."

"Oh yeh, that." He laughed, with a cough.

"It's Moira's birthday today." She saw a flash of anger go through his eyes.

"Once I get outta this place, I'll get back to punishing you."

"Haven't you punished me enough?" Shelagh asked.

"Not enough for two lives." He replied not looking at her.

"I know that I-...When I die, God will take me to Hell where I belong. I'm at peace with that...I know what I deserve, but-...but what about the people you've killed?"

"I ain't killed no one. I only beat you up, like you deserve."

"My father, Sister Felicity-Mary and Mairi McCroft."

"I ain't-But I-" He looked shocked.

"David?"

He looked up "Shelagh?" He began to shake. "Nurse!"

The nurse walked in briskly. "What's this?" David had begun to shake and jerk, his whole body moving violently.

"He's begun to shake, is he having a fit?!" The nurse moved quickly and slammed a button on the wall before going back to David. "Mr Kithope, can you hear me? Come, Mr Kithope!"

He continued to shake. "He's having a seizure!" Shelagh moved forward and guided David to the ground. "It's okay, David. Keep calm!" It stopped suddenly, and before any doctors arrived.

"Shelagh?"

"Yes. You're okay, David."

"Where am I?"

"You're in an institute, David."

"Where's my mum? I want to see her and Moira."

><> ><> <>< <><

Patrick woke to an empty bed. He smiled fondly at his wife's unbroken routine. He dressed quickly before slipping downstairs.

"Is mum still in bed?" Timothy asked as Patrick entered the lounge room. "No, isn't she in the kitchen?"

"No, she isn't." Patrick went and checked before going upstairs and looking around. "Shelagh?" He came back downstairs. "Perhaps she's gone for a walk?"

"Mum hates morning walks. She always cleans in the morning then makes breakfast."

"I'm going to ring Nonnatus, can you check outside?" Patrick moved to the phone and dialled the number that had become so familiar over the years.

_"Hello, Nonnatus House, midwife speaking."_

"Hello, this is Patrick speaking." 

_"How're you? This is Sister Julienne."_

"I'm well. Is Shelagh there?"

_"No, she's not on call till next week. Why?" _A small amount of concern slipped into her tone.

"She wasn't there when Tim and I got up. She didn't mention having anywhere to be...I don't know where she is."

_"I'll speak with the nurses and call you if I hear anything. Perhaps you should call Amalie."_

"Yes. Thank you, Sister."

He then rang Amalie's number. _"Hello, Grant residence."_

"Hi, Thom, Patrick here, can I speak with Amalie?"

_"Of course. I'll just go and get her, can you hold the line? I think she's putting Catriona to bed."_

"Thank you." There was a long pause before Amalie picked up the line.

_"Hello, Patrick, how can I help you?"_

"Shelagh's disappeared. She's not at Nonnatus and we can't find her."

_"What's the date today?"_

"Uh...the eighteenth of November."

Amalie gasped, _"I don't know where she'll be, but we must find her. She won't be in a good way. Today was Moira's birthday."_

><> ><> <>< <><

"Sorry, Ms Mannion we have to take him to therapy now."

"No! It must be the electric shocks that caused the seizure. Have there been any incidents recently with the therapy?"

The nurse hesitated, "Yes, I'm afraid they lost some control of the electricity in his last therapy session."

"That must be what caused the seizure. He can't have any more therapy. It'll cause more seizures." The doctors arrived then.

"Get this woman out, what's happened?" One of the other nurses guided Shelagh back into the reception and told her to wait. It was nearly twenty minutes before the first nurse returned.

"What's happened?"

"He's in bed, and he's asking after you." Shelagh stood and followed her in. "Moira! Mother!"

"David it's okay." She moved to the bed where he thrashed. "You're okay. It's- it's Shelagh." She whispered.

"Shelagh? Where's my mum?"

"I'm sorry, David...she passed away, so did your sister."

"No." He made a strangled sound in his throat that was almost pitiful. "You're going to be okay, David."

"Is your dad with you Shelagh?"

"No, he's not."

"What's happening?"

"You're fine. Perhaps you should have a nap, you've had a tiring day." David nodded and fell into a deep sleep rather quickly. The nurse came in. "I think the seizure caused memory loss! He-he doesn't remember what he did...or that his mother has died."

"I'll get a doctor at once!" The nurse exclaimed turning to leave.

"I need to leave." Shelagh said quickly, "I'm not even supposed to be here. Please, I-" The nurse nodded and took her out.

**><> ><> <>< <><**

"I rang Nonnatus House earlier. Yes, they were the first I rang. Please, if you find her, call me." He sighed as he hung up the phone.

"I just went to the park and she's not there, the lady at the shop hasn't seen her either." Timothy relayed as he entered the house.

"I've gone through all the places I can think of, and she's not in any of them." Patrick sighed, and sat down heavily on the couch.

"Maybe she went to a different church that's not near here. Like in Stepney." "Why wouldn't she go to our church?"

"I dunno, maybe she..."

"I'm home! Patrick? Timothy?"

"Shelagh!"

"Mum!" They called in unison and leaped up to greet her as she arrived.

"Where have you been? We've been so worried."

"I was just out getting some air. It's nothing to worry about. How about some lunch? I'm quite peckish." Patrick sighed and knew this meant they would talk about it later.

"Timothy, go and help your mother make us lunch. I've got some people to ring."

><> ><> <>< <><

Shelagh had explained what had happened that morning and now they were having an argument.

"I don't want you near him!" Patrick yelled. It was lucky that Timothy was staying at Jacks that night. The argument had slowly grown to yelling.

"I'm all he has left! His mother and sister are dead and his dad didn't die long after. He won't recognise Amalie now."

"He tried to kill you!" Patrick exclaimed.

"But he doesn't remember doing it-"

Patrick interrupted, "And that makes it okay?"

"No, but...neither does me killing Moira and Dymphna." She turned away from him then.

"Shelagh...That wasn't your fault."

Patrick put his hand on her shoulder, only for her to flinch away. "Moira was under my care, she was my responsibility. I should have never let it happen."

"Shelagh no-"

"It was my fault. Face it, Patrick," She looked into his eyes then, "I'm a murderer myself.". He looked at her pleadingly, "Shelagh..."

"I deserve hell-"

Patrick interrupted once more, "Shelagh! Please love you don't. It's not your fault I swear." "I can't cope with this." She gasped. Patrick sat her on the bed.

"Breath." Patrick whispered calmly. Her quick breaths slowly became calmer, and she dissolved into tears. She sniffled, and Patrick pulled her into his arms. "You have no reason to feel bad or guilty. You did everything you could. You didn't leave Moira by herself, and you tried to go back in and help."

"But I...I should have gotten her out."

"How, love? You tried to get her out, and you did everything you could."

She looked up at him then. She looked almost conflicted. "But I'm to blame?"

"No, never. You haven't killed anyone. You've only done good, Shelagh. Just look at all the patients you've helped, and how you helped your sister. What about the many times you helped Nonnatus house? And me and Tim?"

"Thank you. I needed to hear that...I...You'll have to remind me, I've heard the opposite for so long now."

"I love you, Shelagh Turner. More then words can describe." They didn't say it often and when they did they meant it more then ever. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead then to her lips.

><> ><> <>< <><

David had passed away only weeks ago. Shelagh had visited him every week until his sudden death. She always went alone, and she barely ever shared what happened when she went. The death had surprised everyone, but especially Shelagh. She felt great relief and cried in Patrick's arms.

She slowly began to feel her guilt ebb away, the more Patrick and Sister Julienne told her she was blameless.

It was Christmas and everyone had just had lunch at Nonnatus. They were sitting in the lounge room talking. Amalie and Shelagh stood together with Catriona and Angela in their arms.

"I'm so happy we're here Shelagh. With our beautiful children, lovely husbands and wonderful friends."

"Aren't we lucky?" Shelagh smiled.

Amalie looked out the window, suddenly becoming quiet. "...Will you tell Angela, about David?"

"One day...perhaps. I think she deserves to know."

"Yes." Amalie agreed.

"We'll both be okay either way. Both of us, Amalie. We're safe forever now."

They looked into each others eyes. They spoke perfectly in sync, in quiet lilting voices. _"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your __hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."_

They then moved to there husbands and friends, their eyes lit with happiness, and their hearts at peace.

**END.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! I hope you guys really enjoyed the story. I had a lot of fun writing it and it feels like such an achievement to have written so much.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it! I would love it if you could drop a review and let me know what you thought of the story. The next chapter is an epilogue written for those who wondered how Shelagh dealt with what happened and what happened to David after jail.


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